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Sunday, September 25, 2005

 

Day 16: 1st Nephi 5-19: "Speak These Things and Deny Them Not" pgs 10-19

Yesterday I realized that the only time I am sufficiently awake and aware to pray meaningfully is mid-day. Today I tried a spiritual experiment. I set the oven time for 5 minutes went into my bedroom and engaged in heartfelt prayer. Now, you have to realize for a quiet, non-verbal person, 5 minutes is a long time. I knelt and asked the Lord to forgive me as he forgave the Brother of Jared. I told the Lord that I wanted to repent of a lifetime of weak and mindless prayers, that I didn't know how to have a meaningful relationship with him and I needed his help. I reminded him that I was following the scriptures to seek spiritual gifts from him. I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and tell me what I should pray for.

I told the Lord my 29th wedding anniversary is coming up. I thought I would have my husband converted 28 ½ years ago; that I want my husband, my children, my son and daughter-in-law and my grandchildren to come to Christ. I want my family to be missionaries to the Muslim people of the world. I realized I needed to seek God's will in my life. I needed to know if I should continue in this goal for my family, if this was a righteous goal, if it was his will for them too.

That is the key point. If it is not his will, then I can gracefully accept that and abandon my hopes without any guilt on my part. If it is his will that it should not happen now, then I must pray for patience and continue waiting and praying. If we share a common goal, then I need to know what I should do, say, or act with fearless dedication and confidence to bring our united goal to fruition.

This was some pretty serious stuff for my first attempt at heartfelt prayer. I'd say it was a success thanks to his guiding Spirit. I guess a key to a prayer relationship is not me talking, so much as me trying to find the Lord's will.

Yesterday's reading left me like, "Ho, hum, here we start again on a familiar journey." It was like a boring walk around the block…. But today's reading has left me jazzed. It's like I have walked out my front door and discovered a vast treasure in my front yard!

Today's reading was our first witness of Christ. Here we are just 17 pages into the Book of Mormon, and the life of Jesus Christ is plainly foretold by a prophet of God 600 years before it will happen. Just think, in 1st Nephi 10 Lehi lays out the Savior's life so plainly that none can miss the point that Jesus Christ is the Messiah, the Savior of the World, the Lamb of God, He who will be slain by the Jews, resurrected and made manifest unto the Gentiles, the Son of God.

I want to shout from the rooftops. I want to run out my apartment building, and give my testimony over the loudspeaker of the mosque behind my house. I want the entire world to know what I know and feel what I feel.

I want to be able to influence others with my testimony, yet sadly I realize that my influence is so weak, my writing so ineffective that my own family will ignore my feelings, my joy, my faith. They aren't home now, but soon my son and daughter will walk in from a day at work and school. I will hug them both with long embraces wishing I could transfer my knowledge, joy and testimony to them though my touch.

I wish I could testify and they would listen, that I could write and they would read. I wish that they would follow Nephi's advice:

1st Nephi 10: [17] And it came to pass after I, Nephi, having heard all the words of my father, concerning the things which he saw in a vision, and also the things which he spake by the power of the Holy Ghost, which power he received by faith on the Son of God -- and the Son of God was the Messiah who should come -- I, Nephi, was desirous also that I might see, and hear, and know of these things, by the power of the Holy Ghost, which is the gift of God unto all those who diligently seek him, as well in times of old as in the time that he should manifest himself unto the children of men.

[18] For he is the same yesterday, to-day, and forever; and the way is prepared for all men from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and come unto him.

[19] For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the course of the Lord is one eternal round.

[20] Therefore remember, O man, for all thy doings thou shalt be brought into judgment.

[21] Wherefore, if ye have sought to do wickedly in the days of your probation, then ye are found unclean before the judgment-seat of God; and no unclean thing can dwell with God; wherefore, ye must be cast off forever.

[22] And the Holy Ghost giveth authority that I should speak these things, and deny them not. ***

The mosque is giving the call to prayer and I am crying because I have a call to Christ, but I must hold it inside. I wonder if what I have written today is enough to get me kicked out of the country if the wrong people discover it, but I don't care. If I can't say it or shout it from the rooftops, I have to put it into cyber-space for my testimony burns in my heart and I cannot deny it.

Comments:
Dear Carol, i dont know if i'm going to be able to accompany you in you reading, you are a quite fast reader... anyway, it will be my challenge. I admire your courage and your strength to be a daily example for your family. I do know that it is not easy. Maybe if i were strong as you I'd be still married. But as you may feel, it was horrible not being able to share the blessings we receive and we will receive with the people we love the most. Why is it so hard for them to believe or to at least try to get to know better... I was once, married to a muslim from origins, he wasnt very religious and he did respect my own beliefs, in fact i think that he was much more tolerant with me than i was with him. However, i couldnt bear coming back home from a very spiritual moment or experience that i had in the temple or even in a sacrament meeting and having no one to share it with. It was really sad! But anyway, i'm sure you are in the right track. Your testimony through this blog is so loud. I dont know if you have always been that strong, but keep going cause your light is really shinning all around. The scripture that touched me the most in these chapters was 1 Nephi 17:3 "3 And thus we see that the commandments of God must be fulfilled. And if it so be that the children of men keep the commandments of God he doth nourish them, and astrengthen• them, and provide means whereby they can accomplish the thing which he has commanded them; wherefore, he did bprovide• means for us while we did sojourn in the wilderness.", if we do our part which is keeping the commandments the Lord will provide the way. I'm the very proof of it... i have a great testimony of this scripture. wow, i wrote a lot. btw, tks a lot for the recipe.
 
We each must choose how we direct our lives. I don't reccomend my life for anyone else, but it is the right life for me. The Lord does provide for us if we partner with him. He never walks away from us, it is always man who breaks the covenants and walk away from the love and help of God.
 
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