Midwest Mormon in the Mid-East

Praise for the PBS Special

2007-05-03T17:15:00.000-07:00

Just a quick note. I just watched the PBS special on The Mormons over the Internet. It is full of the usual foolishness: obscure and irrelevant history (Mountain Meadows Massacre), polygamous "Mormons" and the usual interviews with apostates and excommunicated former Mormons, BUT it was the most through and lengthy (4 hours) handling of the subject ever done on TV. In large it seemed balanced and fair. I would recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about what Mormons believe and what makes us march to a different drummer.

Blogger Bites Again

2007-02-23T20:28:00.000-08:00

I hate it what blogger eats my post and won't regurgitate it back. Bad Blogger.
I am keeping up with my reading and yesterday I wrote a nice post, you just have to take my word on it.

Down the Slippery Slope: 3 Nephi 5-6 pgs 416-20

2007-02-16T17:49:00.000-08:00

In today's reading the Nephites and Lamanites unite to defeat the Gadianton Robbers and enjoy peace and prosperity. Chapter 6, verse [4] And they began again to prosper and to wax great; and the twenty and sixth and seventh years passed away, and there was great order in the land; and they had formed their laws according to equity and justice. [5] And now there was nothing in all the land to hinder the people from prospering continually, except they should fall into transgression.

And of course, after just 6 short years they start to spiral down into wickedness again. And what was their first step on the slippery slope?

[12] And the people began to be distinguished by ranks, according to their riches and their chances for learning, yea, some were ignorant because of their poverty, and others did receive great learning because of their riches.
[13] Some were lifted up in pride, and others were exceedingly humble; some did return railing for railing, while others would receive railing and persecution and all manner of afflictions, and would not turn and revile again, but were humble and penitent before God.
[14] And thus there became a great inequality in all the land, insomuch that the church began to be broken up; yea, insomuch that in the thirtieth year the church was broken up in all the land save it were among a few...

Let's break down this process: 1.Pride and boasting. 2. Ranks according to wealth and learning.

When I lived in Pakistan I saw church member in the depths of third world poverty. This is poverty unimaginable for those in the US where there are welfare systems in place. Third world poverty is helplessness and hopelessness. It is poverty maintained by discrimination and despare. Surely if you compare these people with other church members in the States you see people ignorant because of their poverty and great learning because of their riches. I often wondered how the church could help our members out of these dire circumstances. I felt we must do something to reach out or be condemned for not trying. Just as pride and class distinctions broke apart the ancient congregations in America, it could do the same in these latter days.

I was so very excited to see a few years ago that the church is reaching out to poor members around the world by a program called the Perpetual Education Fund. This fund is a simple honor system where members from all over the world can borrow money for college or technical training and then repay it later when they are employed. This is an old concept for Americans but believe me, this is a radically new program in many parts of the third world.

I love this system. I'm proud of this system and I'm proud of this Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints for trying to uplift the poorest of the poor around the world through the dignity of education and employment.

Day 2- Open Invitation

2007-02-13T21:50:00.000-08:00

I missed yesterday's reading. It will take some time to get into the routine of daily reading. I also have to remember to read early in the evening before I go brain dead. I announced to my family that I was rereading the Book of Mormon and invited them to read along, but I got no takers.

Today's quote is really from yesterday's reading, but I couldn't pass it up. The setting is about 3 years since the time the signs of Christ's birth have been given in the American continent. The people are already beginning to doubt the many signs given. It reminded me of the people today. God has given lots of signs that Christ's second coming is eminent. Many signs are listed in the Bible. When disasters occur people shake their heads and say, "It's a sign from God." but do they do anything differently in their lives? Do they repent? Do they return to faith or church? NO, most of them don't do anything until they begin to doubt the events are signs.
3 Nephi 2
[1] And it came to pass that thus passed away the ninety and fifth year also, and the people began to forget those signs and wonders which they had heard, and began to be less and less astonished at a sign or a wonder from heaven, insomuch that they began to be hard in their hearts, and blind in their minds, and began to disbelieve all which they had heard and seen --

[2] Imagining up some vain thing in their hearts, that it was wrought by men and by the power of the devil, to lead away and deceive the hearts of the people; and thus did Satan get possession of the hearts of the people again, insomuch that he did blind their eyes and lead them away to believe that the doctrine of Christ was a foolish and a vain thing.

My God is a god of signs. He gives us personal signs, public signs, local signs and world-wide signs. Why are we so hard in their hearts and blind in our minds?

Book of Mormon Blog II - Here We Go Again!!!

2007-02-11T16:58:00.000-08:00

The following is an excerpt from a talk given Feb. 11, 2007

"Two weeks ago during the passing of the sacrament at church I was feeling spiritually weak, stressed out and alone. I sent out a silent plea to the Lord, 'Help me, please. I'm struggling.'

As soon as I had thought those words, I knew what his answer would be. 'I have already given you the greatest possible help, The Gift of the Holy Spirit, but you are not using it.'

I realized that I was not seeking a partnership with Christ through prayer. I was alone because I had stopped reaching out to Christ. I was weak and spiritually starving to death because I wasn’t reading the scriptures. I knew what my problems were and their solutions, but I quickly justified myself that I don't have time. I'm overwhelmed by working, attending college and taking care of my family. I drag myself around tired all day; study my text books in all my spare time and drop into bed at night too exhausted to pray. I even told myself that the Lord would forgive me because I was in such a busy time of my life.

The Lord does forgive many things, but the greater truth was that the Lord heard my cry for help and prepared to help me to help myself. After the meeting the bishop asked me to give a talk. It didn't seem like an answer to a prayer at the time, but it was. Through my preparation for this talk the Lord has answered my prayers and shown me how to strengthen myself spiritually.

The topic assigned to me was "The Book of Mormon and Christ." I immediately thought of my Book of Mormon Challenge blog I started in 2005. When I first heard of the challenge I decided to read the book and blog the experience as a kind of online testimony for my family. A blog is a journal hosted on the Internet.

President Hinckley promised Book of Mormon readers. "…there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God." (Liahona and Ensign, Aug. 2005)
After reading the promised spiritual blessings, I set some goals
1. Read the Book of Mormon
2 Leave a written testimony of Christ for my family and future generations.
3. Regain inner peace
And I accomplished my goals by reading ten pages a day for two and a half months and wrote almost 4 times a week adding my testimony, and documenting how the promised blessings were being manifest in my life...

So, let's go back to the beginning of this talk: Two weeks ago, I was spiritually weak, alone, and discouraged, but thinking I don't have the time to do any thing about it. I was hoping God would send someone to rescue me…

He sent the Bishop with an assignment that has forced me to reread all 49 entries of my blog and see how when I was feeling alone, stressed out, and spiritually weak before, I turned to the Book of Mormon and received strength and encouragement, inspiration and direction. Rereading my blog reminded me of the wonderful spiritual strength I gained by reading and praying daily.

Now I know that no matter how busy I am, I must make time for these important steps. We all live busy lives. We all need the inspiration of the Holy Ghost in our lives. We all must take the time to pray meaningfully and study the scriptures daily if we are to the strength to live the gospel, follow Christ and bring his Atonement fully into our lives." end of talk

Today, as I began rereading the Book of Mormon again, I thought I would also blog through as I read. My goals are nearly the same as before: A testimony of Christ for my family, Increased spiritual power through daily scripture reading and meaningful personal prayer.

It's weird how my life keeps recycling the same themes. My husband flew in this week to help me manage Large Hulking Son (LHS). He's here in the States with me drug free and in college, but still managing to be rude, uncooperative, disruptive and emotionally abusive.

My reading schedule will be only 5 pages this time around since working full time and attending college keep me pretty busy. I hope to blog about 4 times weekly. I'm actually looking forward to it. Last time with my 10 pages per day of reading, there were lots of great scriptures I wasn't able to comment on. This time I hope to comment on some of those scriptures. So with all that said, and keeping with my personal quirk to start my reading in the middle of the book I started at 3 Nephi, page 406-410.

In this reading the first scripture that touched my heart was the account of Christ personally answering a prayer the night before he was to be born in Bethlehem.

[10] Now it came to pass that when Nephi, the son of Nephi, saw this wickedness of his people, his heart was exceedingly sorrowful.
[11] And it came to pass that he went out and bowed himself down upon the earth, and cried mightily to his God in behalf of his people, yea, those who were about to be destroyed because of their faith in the tradition of their fathers.
[12] And it came to pass that he cried mightily unto the Lord, all that day; and behold, the voice of the Lord came unto him, saying:
[13] Lift up your head and be of good cheer; for behold, the time is at hand, and on this night shall the sign be given, and on the morrow come I into the world, to show unto the world that I will fulfill all that which I have caused to be spoken by the mouth of my holy prophets.
[14] Behold, I come unto my own, to fulfill all things which I have made known unto the children of men from the foundation of the world, and to do the will, both of the Father and of the Son -- of the Father because of me, and of the Son because of my flesh. And behold, the time is at hand, and this night shall the sign be given.
[15] And it came to pass that the words which came unto Nephi were fulfilled, according as they had been spoken; for behold, at the going down of the sun there was no darkness; and the people began to be astonished because there was no darkness when the night came.

Even though his physical body was a fetus in Mary's womb, he was still acting as Jehovah on the eve of his physical birth. Here is further proof that Christ is the Son of God, and had "life unto himself."- he could not be contained by the womb or the tomb.

The Stealth Mormon

2007-01-07T23:22:00.001-08:00

Warning: Spell Check is acting wonky and lost half of my first draft. If spelling errors annoy you, please leave for your own protection.

I've been in the States since September. I'm now in the Chicago Heights ward. We are a small ward in a big building rolling around like peas in a drum. Apparently we have a lot of in-active members.

Today was fast and testimony Sunday. That means it's "open mike" time for anyone in the congregation to step up to the podium and give a short testimony of how God is working in his life. Mormon cultural etiquette requires new members to use this Sunday to introduce themselves to the ward. I have been here several months and have not done that. That fact has been bothering me lately and yesterday, I decided to pray for the desire to give my testimony. I didn't know why I haven't given my testimony or made any effort to introduce myself to my new ward members.

The councilor who started the testimony session with his testimony talked very sincerely about how this year he hoped to overcome his great fear of public speaking and other trials in his life. He closed his testimony with words to the congregation like this, "Please, come give your testimonies, I need to hear them." Needless to say, his heartfelt remarks spurred many people to come forward and many great testimonies were heard. The podium was always filled, with no time wasted between speakers.

I got to thinking about his courage to admit his fear and yet still give his testimony. Why hadn't I given my testimony? I have no fear of public speaking and I DO have a testimony.

Moving frequently may sound like an exciting life, but it has impared my already limited ability to bond with new people. When you add my embarrassingly bad memory for names AND faces, learning a new ward full of people just seemed like too much work. Even in my younger days I estimate it took me 2 years to learn the names of the regular ward members. I honestly don't think I'll be here two years, so I had hatched an evil plot the first time I attented this ward. I would keep a "small footprint" I told myself. I'd only speak when spoken to, I'd not even try to remember names. I'd come late and leave early. Like all evil plots, it seemed like a good idea at the time, but it wasn't and I was suffering from it.

When I was at my mother's house for Christmas, I read a magazine article in the Ensign about how the 15 minutes we spend taking the sacrament is the only time we should think of ourselves. The rest of the time we should be teaching and testifying, edifying, serving, and befriending. I was doing none of that. I was coming and sponging off my new ward and not giving back anything. As I sat in the meeting I remember the stealth bomber airplane. How it is designed to fly undetected by radar. That is was I had been doing, flying under the radar.

The time to close the meeting was nearing. I lingered in my seat wondering what I would say to the congregation. I kept thinking, it's too late now, and one more person would go the podium. Finally I jumped up and rushed to the podium just in time to be the last speaker. I talked about the stealth bomber and introduced myself and the Stealth Mormon.

At the end of the meeting I was greeted with handshakes from the brothers, hugs from the sisters and a calling from the Bishop to serve in the nursery. Unfortunitely, I forgot to give my name, so I may be stuck with the nickname of the Stealth Mormon for as long as I live in this ward, BUT: The Code of Stealth had been broken and I feel great.

Pushing for the Divine

2007-01-07T23:22:00.000-08:00

Today I was called to as a nursery assistant and started assisting right away. Unfortunately, I just realized I wasn't set apart today as was discussed when the Bishop extended the call.

As a rule, I'm not a pushy person, but there is one thing I always push for at church, a prompt setting apart after the sustaining of a calling. For any non-Mormons reading this I'll explain the process and the lingo involved.

When the Bishop has a volunteer position to fill in his congregation, he prays for Divine guidance for the person the Lord wants to put into that position (or the reverse process is often used: the Bishop has a vacant position, he considers who would be the best person for that position and then prays for the Lord's confirmation.) The Bishop then speaks to that person in a private interview and "extends the calling" in Mormon lingo.

The calling is then followed by a show of support by the congregation the next Sunday. By raising our hand, and "sustaining" the person to that calling (position) we, the general membership, are showing that we(collectively and individually)will assist that person to help him succeed in his new position.

After the meeting, the called person then meets with the Bishop and/or his councilors. They lay their hands on the person's head and bless them with Divine assistance to successfully perform in his new calling. This process is called "setting apart".

My "pushiness" is that I refuse to act in a new calling unless I have been set-apart. Sometimes this setting apart step is forgotten in all the many varied small things that have to be done every Sunday by the busy Bishop and councilors, falling through the cracks. I want all the assistance I can get when performing a new church calling so I insist that the setting apart be done the same day as the sustaining.

Today I forgot to remind the Bishop and as often happens that very important step was overlooked. I'll try to remind the Bishop next Sunday. I want that blessing. Lord knows I need it.

The Games People Play

2006-08-05T00:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's Friday School lesson was about following the Prophets. (#29-If I was computer savvy, I could drop in a hot link to Ted Gibbons lesson at ldsliving.com, but I can only recommend you look it up yourself, it's a great lesson) Once again, I feel like a giant hypocrite to be teaching such a lesson. I surely wasn't following the Prophet and his servants (my Bishop and my parents) 30 years ago when I married a Muslim. But there I stood yesterday, the poster girl for "Don't marry outside the Church/Covenant" trying to teach others the principles of following the prophet. I made some comment about not beating myself up over past mistakes and to keep my eyes focused on my present and future levels of obedience to try to cover for my discomfort.

Later that night I was playing computer games. I was listening and singing along to a great CD "Hymns of Faith", but my mind was still full of doubts about my ability to teach this class. What is it about computer solitary games and negative thoughts? I know when I play computer games, part of my mind plays the game and the other part becomes a playground for negative thoughts... Weird, huh. I can set there for hours (sadly) snowballing, mulling over my every flaw, feeling inadequate for everything. I'm not usually a negative person, but somehow, when my mind is blank and unoccupied, the negative thoughts have a field day in all that empty space. Even the great music wasn't enough to stop this damaging mind game I play.

Well, I guess, I know where this blog is going. I've got to be super careful to limit my computer game time. When I feel the blame and shame game starting to kick in, it's time to turn off the computer. I know thoughts of guilt or remorse should lead us to repentance, but that is all they are good for. I've repented for my mistake 30 years ago. (I plead temporary insanity in the court of God and threw myself at the mercy of the Judge.) Now, I need to stop the guilt and insecurity since feelings of despair and inadequacy serve no one but Satan. And that's one master I never want to have.

Back in the Saddle Again

2006-07-29T04:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry for the verrrrry long period between posts. I guess I was waiting for us to get an internet connection in our apartmemnt, but that isn't going to happen. Now I'm faced with the choice of dropping this and my other blogs or learning to write in a smokey, noisy internet with loud arabian style music playing, people shouting in various languages as they try to communicate with loved ones back home all over the globe, sticky keyboards and wobbly chairs. I suppose I could get used to it. I really don't want to let my blogs die.

Who would believe it??? I've been teaching the adult Sunday School class from the beginning of the year. If you had asked me which class did I NEVER want to teach my answer would be the adult sunday school class. If you had asked me which book of scripture I was weakest in my answer would be the Old Testiment. So of course what calling do I get??? Teaching the (opps, you can't abreivate the Adult Sunday School class without desasterous consequences) Adult Sunday School class with the course of study as the Old Testiment. It is just God's way of keeping me humble.

Every week I fret and pray and worry and repent that I didn't start my lesson prep earlier in the week, stay up late on the night before my class (here in the UAE, our church meets on Friday so saying that my Sunday school class lesson is always prepared on Thursday night gives me NO bragging rights) Every Friday morning I wake up with a nervious stomach and psyco-generated diahrea. I say another prayer, take some Immodium and head out for church.

Each week in apite of my personal weaknesses, I get great participation from my class and the Spirit is strongly felt. I feel like the facilitater, not a teacher. The comments from the class members as they struggle to live the gospel and bare testimony of the their trials of faith and the blessings of obedience in their lives really make the class. I present the principles and they discuss how following those principles have blessed their lives. They are the gospel in action. The Lord is clearly showing me that this is His church and that with the Holy Spirit I can do all things He requires of me.

It really is Christ's church, isn't it. That truth is made manifest to me every week.

Carol's Old Testiment Blog???

2005-12-24T12:38:00.000-08:00

Sorry, I've been ignoring this blog since I finished the B of M last month. I've been reading (or should I say, I've been TRYING to) the Old Testiment. I read it on the bus in the morning on the way to work. It's my least favorite book of scripture. Here's what Amira from Conversations blog said when I told her about my lack of understanding and appreciation of the OT. "I have to say the OT is my favorite book of scripture. Sometimes I think it could use a good editor like Mormon to trim things down and take out some of the less desirable parts. But most of the time I enjoy its diversity."

I am really grateful for my knowledge of the Gospel that helps me understand the OT as well as I do. I'd really be lost if I were trying to read it without the "big picture" view that the B of M and the gospel give me.

Once, when I was much younger and thought I knew it all, my sister was staying with us. She was trying to read the OT and I was both shocked and amazed that someone with such a low reading level would even attempt it. I proudly thought to myself, "Who does she think she is, reading the OT with her 3rd grade reading level? I have college level reading skills and I won't even attempt to read the OT." Then the Spirit gently touched my heart and took me down several notches. "At least she is trying. I'm not reading any scriptures now so even with her low reading level, she's getting more blessings and knowledge than I am."

So, I guess, that even with my limited understanding and appreciation, I will still gain knowledge by trying. Like the joke goes, "What's the biggest room in any house? Room for improvement." I'll try to blog about my attempt to read the OT and maybe, with this blog and my readers encouragement, I will succeed in this daunting task.

So, if you're reading this entry, please post some encouragement for me. I'll try to update at least once a week. It may be more, but not for a while since we are moving in a few days. It's not a far move, but a move up. We're leaving our rented 2 bedroom for a 3 bedroom condo in the next Emirate, Ajman.

The End is Just the Beginning

2005-11-23T11:33:00.000-08:00

It's true, I've been a negligent blog owner. I finished reading the Book of Mormon about 1 month ago, but haven't blogged since then. My hubby was visiting from out of country, it was Ramadan, then he left, I and my daughters all got the flu on the same day. I then recovered and immediately started a new job. So there's my list of excuses and I'm sticking to them. It kind of amazes me that people are still commenting on a blog that hasn't been updated for almost 3 weeks.

I really enjoyed reading the Book of Mormon. I want to continue with my reading and move on into the Doctrine and Covenants, but my sloth-monkey ways have crept back. I'm still overwhelmed by lack of energy since the flu and new job. I have a 75 minute commute in the morning and a 1 hour return commute in the afternoon, so I have to get up at 5:30 am. My job is only 25 kilometers away, but such is the daily traffic of Sharjah/Dubai. And that's on a good day. One day we spent two hours getting to work. It's a very hard adjustment for someone who hasn't had a regular fulltime job in 6 years.

Today is Thanksgiving and I'd just like to say how grateful I am for the Gospel of Jesus Christ, the Salvation offered by my Savior, Jesus Christ and my membership in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Every other good thing in my life stands on the foundation of these great blessings.

I want to close with my testimony of the Book of Mormon and what prompted me to read it and pray about it the first time many years ago.

At the age of 20 tender years, I was an inactive member of the LDS church, and an under-age alcoholic. While setting at a singles bar in Chicago a few days before St. Patrick's day a Catholic man and I were discussing the religious aspects of the holiday. He asked me what my faith was and I about choked on my drink. I embarrassingly admitted I was a Mormon, but not a "good" one since Mormons don't drink.

That night I went home and got out my long neglected B of M and determined to read it for the first time. I wanted to rid myself of the guilt of being a drinking Mormon. I planned to read the book to disprove it, rid myself of the church and get on with my alcohol based social life. I had even planned my future response to the question of my faith by saying I was a non-denominational Christian.

I took the book and read Moroni's promise, (Moroni 10:4-5) which was printed on the first page of the edition I had and decided to put it to the test and pray about it as I read.

I hadn't read very far, and I didn't have any "Ah ha!" kind of moment, but within the first hundred pages I was convinced that it was truly the word of God and I needed to change my life, repent and restore myself to the faith of my childhood.

It wasn't easy, but I did it with the help of kind church leaders and have never regretted the decision, now thirty years past.

Each time I reread that great book, I am deeply touched by God's love for his children.

So much labor and effort were spent to write, preserve, translate and publish this book by prophets both ancient and modern, that I know Father in Heaven loves us to provide us with this guidance and warning and a call to come unto Christ.

I hope my simple testimony will encourage you to pray about the book as you read it and have the courage to follow the prompting of your heart. Even though I've finished my current reading of the B of M, I'm looking forward to checking back on your comments.

I encourage you to read this special book, pray about it and put it to the test in your life.

May it bless your life and bring your closer to your Savior, Jesus Christ as it did me.

Day 40: War, War, and more War. Alma 60; pg 360

2005-10-30T08:54:00.000-08:00

Well, I have been neglecting this blog baddly, but I have been keeping up with my reading. It has been war after war after war. Heck, there are even wars within wars. Not very spiritual feel good kind of stuff.

It is interesting to read about the heroics of Captain Moroni, how even after a lifetime of warfare, remains a righteous and virtous man, who doesn't delight in killing and who only wants peace. He still feels God is supporting and aiding the Nephites in their struggle to preserve their lives and liberty and religion.

I would probably be such a cryer, whiner and complainer. May God bless Moroni forever for being such a wonderful example of a disciple of Christ even in the cruel,demeaning and demanding situation of years of warfare.

Day 38-39 “Korihor the Antichrist” Alma 25-32 pgs 270-290

2005-10-22T10:48:00.000-07:00

Today’s reading included the story of Korihor the antichrist. After great success among the Nephites he travels to the Anti-Nephi-Lehis (now called the People of Ammon). They are entirely too smart to listen to his lies, and they carry him bound to Ammon, the High Priest who has the man escorted from their land.

It made me consider how Satan can work among us, whispering lies and flattering words; telling us there is no God, no sin and no heaven or hell. He tells the wicked what they want to hear.

Alma 30: [12] And this Anti-Christ, whose name was Korihor, (and the law could have no hold upon him) began to preach unto the people that there should be no Christ. And after this manner did he preach, saying:

[13] O ye that are bound down under a foolish and a vain hope, why do ye yoke yourselves with such foolish things? Why do ye look for a Christ? For no man can know of anything which is to come.

[14] Behold, these things which ye call prophecies, which ye say are handed down by holy prophets, behold, they are foolish traditions of your fathers.

[15] How do ye know of their surety? Behold, ye cannot know of things which ye do not see; therefore ye cannot know that there shall be a Christ.

[16] Ye look forward and say that ye see a remission of your sins. But behold, it is the effect of a frenzied mind; and this derangement of your minds comes because of the traditions of your fathers, which lead you away into a belief of things which are not so.

[17] And many more such things did he say unto them, telling them that there could be no atonement made for the sins of men, but every man fared in this life according to the management of the creature; therefore every man prospered according to his genius, and that every man conquered according to his strength; and whatsoever a man did was no crime.

[18] And thus he did preach unto them, leading away the hearts of many, causing them to lift up their heads in their wickedness, yea, leading away many women, and also men, to commit whoredoms -- telling them that when a man was dead, that was the end thereof.

[19] Now this man went over to the land of Jershon also, to preach these things among the people of Ammon, who were once the people of the Lamanites.

[20] But behold they were more wise than many of the Nephites; for they took him, and bound him, and carried him before Ammon, who was a high priest over that people.

[21] And it came to pass that he caused that he should be carried out of the land. And he came over into the land of Gideon, and began to preach unto them also; and here he did not have much success, for he was taken and bound and carried before the high priest, and also the chief judge over the land.

Satan, the Father of Lies, has great power over the hearts of the wicked, but if righteous refuse to listen, we have power over him. God has given us the power to ignore Satan, to even bind him till he is powerless over us. That is what we need to strive for. That is why we strive to keep the commandments, attend church, take the sacrament. With Christ, we can triumph over our common enemy and claim the blessings he holds ready for us.

In the end, Korihor is cursed with speechlessness, goes about begging from city to city and is finally trampled to death. Alma 30: [60] And thus we see the end of him who perverteth the ways of the Lord; and thus we see that the devil will not support his children at the last day, but doth speedily drag them down to hell.

I have to wonder how much do I listen to the lies Satan whispers to me. I have a real hard time respecting Friday as the Sabbath. When we moved here in May, we spent two months living in a hotel, eating out everyday, riding in taxis, etc, it has become very easy to spend needlessly on the Sabbath. I convince myself that it's okay to buy a pop or gas or do other things I normally don't do on the Sabbath. Once I break a good habit, it's hard to get back into the grove again. Do any of you have a similar problem?

Day 37: “The Anti-Nephi-Lehis” Alma 21-24: pgs 261-270

2005-10-20T02:03:00.000-07:00

Today, being my day off meant that I could do my reading right after breakfast. What a wonderful luxury to be alert and fresh while reading.

The family is still all sleeping and I’m enjoying a quiet morning at home with Vivaldi’s “The Four Seasons” playing quietly in the background. It’s the only way I can get “weather” here where it’s October and the daily high temp is still above 100 degrees, and the sun is always shinning. It sounds impossible to complain about, but the whole family is sick of extreme heat, humidity and sunshine all the time. We want cool and clouds and rain… in short, we want WEATHER. I’m considering buying a 4 poster set of seasonal scenes. I bet if I did the whole family would stand in front of them staring dreamily for hours, remembering the days when we had “weather” and seasons in our lives.

The story of the Anti-Nephi-Lehis is one of the most heart wrenching stories of the Book of Mormon. They were the wicked “unbelievers” who were converted after much hard work, pain, sacrifice and patience by Ammon and the sons of Mosiah. They were a blood thirsty people who after their conversion repented of their murderous ways and made a covenant of non-violence. They would not even break their covenants when their pagan brothers, the Lamanites and evil apostate-Nephite groups came against them in open genocide. Instead of making more swords and arming for their defense, they buried their old swords and faced their killers with praise of the Lord on their lips.

After seeing the commitment of the people, the Lamanites stopped the slaughter, and many laid down their swords to die alongside the A-N-Ls. It was the evil apostate-Nephite groups that killed the most A-N-Ls and NONE of them laid down their weapons and repented of their evil ways.

My reading ended with tears in my eyes. The last verse in Alma 24 reads: [30] And thus we can plainly discern, that after a people have been once enlightened by the Spirit of God, and have had great knowledge of things pertaining to righteousness, and then have fallen away into sin and transgression, they become more hardened, and thus their state becomes worse than though they had never known these things.

Truly words that should send shivers down the spine of every Mormon who reads them.
I got to thinking, since the Book of Mormon is a “type and a shadow” of things to come in the last days, will we see a modern replay of this scene? Who will be the latter-day Anti-Nephi-Lehis and who will be the evil apostates?

If you don’t know the story, read on:
Alma 24
[1] And it came to pass that the Amalekites and the Amulonites and the Lamanites who were in the land of Amulon, and also in the land of Helam, and who were in the land of Jerusalem, and in fine, in all the land round about, who had not been converted and had not taken upon them the name of Anti-Nephi-Lehi, were stirred up by the Amalekites and by the Amulonites to anger against their brethren.
[2] And their hatred became exceedingly sore against them, even insomuch that they began to rebel against their king, insomuch that they would not that he should be their king; therefore, they took up arms against the people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi.
[3] Now the king conferred the kingdom upon his son, and he called his name Anti-Nephi-Lehi.
[4] And the king died in that selfsame year that the Lamanites began to make preparations for war against the people of God.
[5] Now when Ammon and his brethren and all those who had come up with him saw the preparations of the Lamanites to destroy their brethren, they came forth to the land of Midian, and there Ammon met all his brethren; and from thence they came to the land of Ishmael that they might hold a council with Lamoni and also with his brother Anti-Nephi-Lehi, what they should do to defend themselves against the Lamanites.
[6] Now there was not one soul among all the people who had been converted unto the Lord that would take up arms against their brethren; nay, they would not even make any preparations for war; yea, and also their king commanded them that they should not.
[7] Now, these are the words which he said unto the people concerning the matter: I thank my God, my beloved people, that our great God has in goodness sent these our brethren, the Nephites, unto us to preach unto us, and to convince us of the traditions of our wicked fathers.
[8] And behold, I thank my great God that he has given us a portion of his Spirit to soften our hearts, that we have opened a correspondence with these brethren, the Nephites.
[9] And behold, I also thank my God, that by opening this correspondence we have been convinced of our sins, and of the many murders which we have committed.
[10] And I also thank my God, yea, my great God, that he hath granted unto us that we might repent of these things, and also that he hath forgiven us of those our many sins and murders which we have committed, and taken away the guilt from our hearts, through the merits of his Son.
[11] And now behold, my brethren, since it has been all that we could do, (as we were the most lost of all mankind) to repent of all our sins and the many murders which we have committed, and to get God to take them away from our hearts, for it was all we could do to repent sufficiently before God that he would take away our stain --
[12] Now, my best beloved brethren, since God hath taken away our stains, and our swords have become bright, then let us stain our swords no more with the blood of our brethren.
[13] Behold, I say unto you, Nay, let us retain our swords that they be not stained with the blood of our brethren; for perhaps, if we should stain our swords again they can no more be washed bright through the blood of the Son of our great God, which shall be shed for the atonement of our sins.
[14] And the great God has had mercy on us, and made these things known unto us that we might not perish; yea, and he has made these things known unto us beforehand, because he loveth our souls as well as he loveth our children; therefore, in his mercy he doth visit us by his angels, that the plan of salvation might be made known unto us as well as unto future generations.
[15] Oh, how merciful is our God! And now behold, since it has been as much as we could do to get our stains taken away from us, and our swords are made bright, let us hide them away that they may be kept bright, as a testimony to our God at the last day, or at the day that we shall be brought to stand before him to be judged, that we have not stained our swords in the blood of our brethren since he imparted his word unto us and has made us clean thereby.
[16] And now, my brethren, if our brethren seek to destroy us, behold, we will hide away our swords, yea, even we will bury them deep in the earth, that they may be kept bright, as a testimony that we have never used them, at the last day; and if our brethren destroy us, behold, we shall go to our God and shall be saved.
[17] And now it came to pass that when the king had made an end of these sayings, and all the people were assembled together, they took their swords, and all the weapons which were used for the shedding of man's blood, and they did bury them up deep in the earth.
[18] And this they did, it being in their view a testimony to God, and also to men, that they never would use weapons again for the shedding of man's blood; and this they did, vouching and covenanting with God, that rather than shed the blood of their brethren they would give up their own lives; and rather than take away from a brother they would give unto him; and rather than spend their days in idleness they would labor abundantly with their hands.
[19] And thus we see that, when these Lamanites were brought to believe and to know the truth, they were firm, and would suffer even unto death rather than commit sin; and thus we see that they buried their weapons of peace, or they buried the weapons of war, for peace.
[20] And it came to pass that their brethren, the Lamanites, made preparations for war, and came up to the land of Nephi for the purpose of destroying the king, and to place another in his stead, and also of destroying the people of Anti-Nephi-Lehi out of the land.
[21] Now when the people saw that they were coming against them they went out to meet them, and prostrated themselves before them to the earth, and began to call on the name of the Lord; and thus they were in this attitude when the Lamanites began to fall upon them, and began to slay them with the sword.
[22] And thus without meeting any resistance, they did slay a thousand and five of them; and we know that they are blessed, for they have gone to dwell with their God.
[23] Now when the Lamanites saw that their brethren would not flee from the sword, neither would they turn aside to the right hand or to the left, but that they would lie down and perish, and praised God even in the very act of perishing under the sword --
[24] Now when the Lamanites saw this they did forbear from slaying them; and there were many whose hearts had swollen in them for those of their brethren who had fallen under the sword, for they repented of the things which they had done.
[25] And it came to pass that they threw down their weapons of war, and they would not take them again, for they were stung for the murders which they had committed; and they came down even as their brethren, relying upon the mercies of those whose arms were lifted to slay them.
[26] And it came to pass that the people of God were joined that day by more than the number who had been slain; and those who had been slain were righteous people, therefore we have no reason to doubt but what they were saved.
[27] And there was not a wicked man slain among them; but there were more than a thousand brought to the knowledge of the truth; thus we see that the Lord worketh in many ways to the salvation of his people.
[28] Now the greatest number of those of the Lamanites who slew so many of their brethren were Amalekites and Amulonites, the greatest number of whom were after the order of the Nehors.
[29] Now, among those who joined the people of the Lord, there were none who were Amalekites or Amulonites, or who were of the order of Nehor, but they were actual descendants of Laman and Lemuel.
[30] And thus we can plainly discern, that after a people have been once enlightened by the Spirit of God, and have had great knowledge of things pertaining to righteousness, and then have fallen away into sin and transgression, they become more hardened, and thus their state becomes worse than though they had never known these things.

Days 35-36 "Alma's Call" Alma -10-16 pgs 230-250

2005-10-18T10:30:00.000-07:00

This is the 15th day of Ramadan. The month is half over. It is a quiet time for my family. Hubby reads his Koran and attends group prayers in the evenings. Music isn’t played in the house or on the car radio. I’ve been working a temp job, so between working and trying to do my daily Book of Mormon reading and a little blogging, I’ve been pretty busy myself. I don’t have any time to waste in my usual pursuits of spider solitaire, TV and loafing off.

Today we had a funny situation arise. We only have three copies of the apartment key. My daughter and I left the house early in the morning and took one, My son left in the afternoon, locking the door behind him and took the other. When I got home from work, I was keyless and locked out. I rang the bell so hubby could let me in, but he was keyless and unable to open the door. So I was locked out and he was locked in. Weird, huh. I called my daughter at work and she left immediately, arriving one hour later. I spent my time setting on the floor outside our apartment reading “The Message” by Lance Richardson and eating my lunch. Since it was Ramadan and the restaurants are closed and it’s illegal to eat or drink in public, I had to buy an apple, cheese croissant and pop from the downstairs grocery.

From today’s reading, I’ve chosen to share Alma’s call to repentance. In light of my other reading of the day, it makes the call even more relevant. “The Message” is a true account of a return from the Spirit World. The author was taken out of his comatose body three times to the Spirit World and taught a message for the people of the world. He was warned that America was on the brink of self-destruction unless the people return to morals and values and eternal truths, worship God individually and as a nation, strengthen our families, and love and serve one another. It is so true that those days of cleansing have begun in earnest and We will be cleansed from off the face of the earth unless we cleanse our hearts, repent and return to God.

Alma 13: [27] And now, my brethren, I wish from the inmost part of my heart, yea, with great anxiety even unto pain, that ye would hearken unto my words, and cast off your sins, and not procrastinate the day of your repentance;

[28] But that ye would humble yourselves before the Lord, and call on his holy name, and watch and pray continually, that ye may not be tempted above that which ye can bear, and thus be led by the Holy Spirit, becoming humble, meek, submissive, patient, full of love and all long-suffering;

[29] Having faith on the Lord; having a hope that ye shall receive eternal life; having the love of God always in your hearts, that ye may be lifted up at the last day and enter into his rest.

[30] And may the Lord grant unto you repentance, that ye may not bring down his wrath upon you, that ye may not be bound down by the chains of hell, that ye may not suffer the second death.

I would that my family, my relatives, friends and countrymen would repent, come unto Christ and worship God, that we may survive the great cleansing of the earth from wickedness.

Day 34: “Alma’s Voice of Warning” Alma 5-9 pgs 220-231

2005-10-16T11:49:00.000-07:00

Today I am blessed with daughters. My younger daughter has returned from reporting the earthquake in Pakistan and my older, married daughter is spending a few days visiting. It’s so nice to have the dynamic duo back together. They are/were very close. Married Daughter #1 has been sent by her husband to “learn to cook like your father.” Yep, her father. He’s the curry cook of the family. I bake, he cooks.

We had a lovely dinner of Nehari which the daddy daughter curry tag team concocted. Quite tasty. We sat around and hear about Owlie’s trip to Pakistan; caught up on news of family and friends and heard the heart wrenching stories of the quake victims. Then I got my hair dyed by my favorite colorist, MD#1. We played with Owlie’s pet baby hamsters. The 6 of them are quite active and it’s fun to watch their antics. It’s been months since we were all together. Now hubby, Large Hulking Son and Owlie are out car shopping. It’s been nice to have the whole gang together again. Of course, I’m missing my married son, wifey and grandsons in Chicago. It would be REALLY GREAT if they were here too.

Today’s reading contains this voice of warning from Alma to the Amalacites. I thought it would be beneficial for my family, so I’ve included it here for them.

Alma 5: 25] And now for this cause, that ye may not be destroyed, the Lord has sent his angel to visit many of his people, declaring unto them that they must go forth and cry mightily unto this people, saying: Repent ye, for the kingdom of heaven is nigh at hand;

[26] And not many days hence the Son of God shall come in his glory; and his glory shall be the glory of the Only Begotten of the Father, full of grace, equity, and truth, full of patience, mercy, and long-suffering, quick to hear the cries of his people and to answer their prayers.

[27] And behold, he cometh to redeem those who will be baptized unto repentance, through faith on his name.

[28] Therefore, prepare ye the way of the Lord, for the time is at hand that all men shall reap a reward of their works, according to that which they have been -- if they have been righteous they shall reap the salvation of their souls, according to the power and deliverance of Jesus Christ; and if they have been evil they shall reap the damnation of their souls, according to the power and captivation of the devil.

[29] Now behold, this is the voice of the angel, crying unto the people.

Day 33: “Tired, but Reading” Alma 2-5, pgs 210-220

2005-10-15T10:26:00.000-07:00

I had to work today, temp sub-ing. It may last 1-2 weeks. I had a good day, but really, I’m so out of shape and not used to working and getting up early and all that stuff. I did get my 10 pages of reading in without falling asleep and that was a quite a mighty task. Owl, my reporter daughter is flying back in the early morning; returning from Pakistan where she was reporting the earthquake. It will be interesting to hear the stories she will have to tell. I’ll be glad to have her home safe.

Tonight’s entry will be short and sweet since I’m dead tired and have to get ready for work tomorrow. In today’s reading is the very famous and oft quoted like by Alma: Alma 5: [14] And now behold, I ask of you, my brethren of the church, have ye spiritually been born of God? Have ye received his image in your countenances? Have ye experienced this mighty change in your hearts?

What is this change of heart? It is the companionship of the Holy Spirit that comes with baptism and stays with righteous living. It means never having to face our trials alone. It means being able to tap into the unlimited pool of Christ’s love when our little mud puddle of love has dried up. It means being a disciple of Christ.

Day 32-33: Mosiah 23-Alma 1 pgs 190-210

2005-10-14T11:54:00.000-07:00

It’s late, I’ve got to get up early for work in the morning. I was called this afternoon to sub as a TA in a 1st grade class room. I’m not used to getting up early, so I’ve got to get to bed. I picked out my favorite verses in today’s reading and I’ll comment on them tomorrow when I have more time. G’night y’all.

Mosiah 24:[14] And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

Mosiah 26:1] Now it came to pass that there were many of the rising generation that could not understand the words of king Benjamin, being little children at the time he spake unto his people; and they did not believe the tradition of their fathers.
[2] They did not believe what had been said concerning the resurrection of the dead, neither did they believe concerning the coming of Christ.
[3] And now because of their unbelief they could not understand the word of God; and their hearts were hardened.

Mosiah 26: 14 …the voice of the Lord came to him (Alma the Younger), saying:
[15] Blessed art thou, Alma, and blessed are they who were baptized in the waters of Mormon. Thou art blessed because of thy exceeding faith in the words alone of my servant Abinadi.
[21] And he that will hear my voice shall be my sheep; and him shall ye receive into the church, and him will I also receive.
[22] For behold, this is my church; whosoever is baptized shall be baptized unto repentance. And whomsoever ye receive shall believe in my name; and him will I freely forgive.
[23] For it is I that taketh upon me the sins of the world; for it is I that hath created them; and it is I that granteth unto him that believeth unto the end a place at my right hand.
[24] For behold, in my name are they called; and if they know me they shall come forth, and shall have a place eternally at my right hand.
[25] And it shall come to pass that when the second trump shall sound then shall they that never knew me come forth and shall stand before me.
[26] And then shall they know that I am the Lord their God, that I am their Redeemer; but they would not be redeemed.
[27] And then I will confess unto them that I never knew them; and they shall depart into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels.
[28] Therefore I say unto you, that he that will not hear my voice, the same shall ye not receive into my church, for him I will not receive at the last day.

Day 31:" Alma’s Invitation" Mosiah 18-22 pgs 180-190

2005-10-12T03:34:00.000-07:00

I have often wished our baptism prayer was more specific and spelled out the covenants people were entering into. Here is Alma’s classic discourse on the baptismal covenants.

Mosiah 18: [8] And it came to pass that he said unto them: Behold, here are the waters of Mormon (for thus were they called) and now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another's burdens, that they may be light;

[9] Yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort, and to stand as witnesses of God at all times and in all things, and in all places that ye may be in, even until death, that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life --

[10] Now I say unto you, if this be the desire of your hearts, what have you against being baptized in the name of the Lord, as a witness before him that ye have entered into a covenant with him, that ye will serve him and keep his commandments, that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

[11] And now when the people had heard these words, they clapped their hands for joy, and exclaimed: This is the desire of our hearts.

[12] And now it came to pass that Alma took Helam, he being one of the first, and went and stood forth in the water, and cried, saying: O Lord, pour out thy Spirit upon thy servant, that he may do this work with holiness of heart.

[13] And when he had said these words, the Spirit of the Lord was upon him, and he said: Helam, I baptize thee, having authority from the Almighty God, as a testimony that ye have entered into a covenant to serve him until you are dead as to the mortal body; and may the Spirit of the Lord be poured out upon you; and may he grant unto you eternal life, through the redemption of Christ, whom he has prepared from the foundation of the world.

[14] And after Alma had said these words, both Alma and Helam were buried in the water; and they arose and came forth out of the water rejoicing, being filled with the Spirit.

And what does God Covenant with us in return?
that ye may be redeemed of God, and be numbered with those of the first resurrection, that ye may have eternal life --

that he may pour out his Spirit more abundantly upon you?

may the Spirit of the Lord be poured out upon you; and may he grant unto you eternal life, through the redemption of Christ, whom he has prepared from the foundation of the world.

Incredibly powerful promises, aren't they?

I can't pass this up without including it in this testimony blog. I’m beginning to feel this blog is my spiritual legacy for my family. They won’t listen to my testimony now, but maybe sometime after I am dead, my voice, like the Book of Mormon, will whisper from the dust (cyber dust in this case) to proclaim my testimony of Christ to them.

If any of my children, grand-children or even great grand-children read these words, then this is my invitation to you to come unto Christ and be baptized. To take upon you his name, the only name given for the salvation of God’s children. To have his Spirit as your companion in all life’s trails, hardship and triumphs. To serve him through service to your fellow humans. To follow his example and commandments that will lead you to God the Eternal Father’s presence.

Day 30: Reduce, Refine, Simplify: Give

2005-10-11T01:29:00.000-07:00

I was hoping for a call or email from my daughter, Owlie in Pakistan, but the only word I heard from her today was via her column in the newspaper. I suspect she is terribly busy covering the earthquake.

Well, it's time for me to get busy too, I've got winter weight shelvar kameez to donate and unfortunately, it's buried in the open places in the frame under my WATER BED mattress. I guess that means draining my bed. I thought we would be moving to our own larger apartment when I stuffed those spaces full, never realizing that they would be needed before then.

The truth be known, I've gained so much weight that most of these suits don't fit me anymore. I was just hanging on to them in a hope I would lose weight and because they are the best and favorites of my winter wardrobe. I have such a hard time giving up my stuff, money is easy to give, but my stuff is MY STUFF and it's dear to my selfish little heart.

I once had the most amazing dream/vision of my life. I consider it was a vision, not a dream since it had no visual images one usually associates with dreaming. I "dreamed" I was reducing, simplifying, and refining my life to its most basic level. When I had achieved this goal I raised my hands in triumph and as I did so, I was engulfed from head to toe, inside and outside in the most powerful, perceivable feeling of love that could ever be imagined. A voice said to me, "This is what it feels like to be in the presence of the God the Father. " I was surprised at the idea, because being a Christian, we are much more expressive and aware of the love of Christ, but then I realized, that all Christ ever does is call us to follow him back to the presence of God the Father.

Needless to say, that feeling of pure, perfect, divine love was the most powerful and sacred event of my life. I drifted in and out of sleep that night, each time savoring the sweet feelings that lingered. I made a commitment that whatever I needed to do in my life to realize the eternal actuality of that little preview of God’s love, I would do. No sacrifice is too great. Nothing is too hard. I have dedicated all that I have and all that I am to achieve my goal to return to God’s presence and feel that intense, overwhelming, magnificent love forever. Perfect love: not because I am worthy, or perfect, but because HE is perfect.

Well, gotta go reduce, recycle and simplify my life for the good of all involved. I’ve gotta lose some weight today, if you know what I mean. You see charity benefits the giver AND the receiver.

Day 29: “The Children of Christ” Mosiah 5-12 pgs 157-170

2005-10-10T12:17:00.000-07:00

Technically, this is part of yesterday’s reading, but I just couldn’t pass it up without quoting and commenting on it. King Benjamin is preaching to his people. He encourages the people to covenant to follow Christ and take upon them the name of Christ. All pretty amazing stuff considering this happens in 124BC!

Mosiah 5: [7] And now, because of the covenant which ye have made ye shall be called the children of Christ, his sons, and his daughters; for behold, this day he hath spiritually begotten you; for ye say that your hearts are changed through faith on his name; therefore, ye are born of him and have become his sons and his daughters.

[8] And under this head ye are made free, and there is no other head whereby ye can be made free. There is no other name given whereby salvation cometh; therefore, I would that ye should take upon you the name of Christ, all you that have entered into the covenant with God that ye should be obedient unto the end of your lives.

[9] And it shall come to pass that whosoever doeth this shall be found at the right hand of God, for he shall know the name by which he is called; for he shall be called by the name of Christ.

[10] And now it shall come to pass, that whosoever shall not take upon him the name of Christ must be called by some other name; therefore, he findeth himself on the left hand of God.

I just couldn’t pass up this passage of scripture without leaving it for my family that someday they might come unto Christ, to be spiritually born of him in a rebirth that has eternal consequence.

Day 28: "Shrinking from God" Mosiah 3-6 pgs 150-159

2005-10-10T06:00:00.000-07:00

Today’s reading provides scriptural backing for my theory that unrepentant sinners can not stay in God’s presence, but will “Shrink” away to where they are comfortable. See the parable of the farmer on Day 10 9/19/05.

Mosiah 3:24] And thus saith the Lord: They shall stand as a bright testimony against this people, at the judgment day; whereof they shall be judged, every man according to his works, whether they be good, or whether they be evil.

[25] And if they be evil they are consigned to an awful view of their own guilt and abominations, which doth cause them to shrink from the presence of the Lord into a state of misery and endless torment, from whence they can no more return; therefore they have drunk damnation to their own souls.

Day 27: Earthquake in Islamabad: Comfort in Chaos

2005-10-08T04:37:00.000-07:00

The breaking news of a major earthquake in Islamabad sent ripples and shockwaves through the heart of my family. We just moved from “Isloo” four months ago and my husband just flew out of there four days ago. This morning we were scrambling to get info on friends, our employees and the condition of our family business.

Fortunately, our restaurant in Islamabad is closed for the Islamic month of Ramadan, so my husband was able to fly over to join the rest of the family in the UAE. Our attempt to get information about the situation are severely hampered by the fact that a Malang, a “holy-man/begger” walked into the unlocked door of my husband’s apartment and stole his wallet while he was praying just a few days before his departure. My husband finished his prayer, refused the man’s request for “charity”, (They are all drug addicts and grossly pervert their own faith.) but later found his wallet was missing from his shirt that was hung by the door. Without his contact numbers, we’ve been playing international phone tag, calling one person to get another person’s phone number… etc.

We finally got our manager’s number; he and his family are okay. We won’t have news of our workers for many days. They are from the mountainous areas closer to the epicenter. Their greatest danger is from landslide. A tower of “luxury flats” near our home has received extensive damage. Conflicting information is coming in whether the whole tower or just the top two floors has collapsed. The 4 story plaza which houses our restaurant is undamaged. I was worried because although the quake is only 7.9 widespread corruption at every level of every governmental office means any building code requirements that may exist on paper, are not enforced if you put money into the right palm, or should I say in EVERY palm.

We know from the Book of Mormon that the Lord has two great agendas co-existing in the last days. 1) His marvelous work and wonder: The restoration of the Church of Jesus Christ. 2) The destruction of the wicked, often at the hands of the wicked through wars, terrorism, secret combinations, etc.

The Lord calls all men to "Come unto Him." The process is the same for people and nations of people. First he whispers to all through the gift of the Holy Spirit. This is the gentle call to repentance and the promise of the companionship of the Holy Spirit. All are blessed who heed this quiet call. When we answer the call to repent, be baptized and obey the commandments, we enjoy the companionship of the Holy Spirit through out all the good times and bad, triumphs and trials of our lives. Troubles will still come to us, temptations may beset us, BUT: we do not have to face these alone. We face them in partnership with our Savior who will consecrate all our trials for our good.

For those who ignore the first call, or who once heeded it, but have begun to wander from the influence of the quiet voice, he calls again, louder this time. Personal calamity, disaster, ill health or a thousand other ways God calls to the hard of hearing or those who have wandered “out of range” of the still small voice. This is an un-ignorable call that either sends us to our knees in humble prayer or has us cursing our “luck”, doubting God’s love or even his existence. Sometimes we suffer alone, sometimes we suffer in the millions, but those who suffer in spirit are those who are truly alone; the unrepentant; the people and nations who will not turn or return to God. (I’m not just talking about Church members or Christians here; I’m speaking in general terms of repentant, humble, and righteous versus unrepentant, proud, and worldly.

Thirdly, when they are above and beyond answering his whisper, or his shout, they are ripe with iniquity. Then he leaves them to suffer at the hands of their enemies to their utter destruction. God doesn’t cause the wars, etc, he just lets then occur and since the people will not repent and seek him, they are left truly defenseless, choosing the arm of flesh over the arm of God. How often does Christ lament that he would succor the wayward Jews or Nephites if they would repent and return. He cries for his lost children with real tears.

It seems impossible that these two goals can co-exist: gospel building and mass destruction, but they do. God has his work, his plan and nothing or no one will either stop the good (the spread of the gospel) or prevent the bad (the destruction of the wicked). But, through it all he has promised us over and over again, that “the righteous need not fear.”

He often protects the righteous. There are countless stories of miraculous survivals by church members, but his promise is much greater, more encompassing than meer earthly protection. He promises that NO matter what the outcome of any trial we encounter we face, ill health, war, natural calamity, we need not fear.

In the New Testament we are told not to worry about the damage to the body inflicted by our enemies, but to worry or fear for damage to our soul. Only we have the power to damage our soul through unrepentant sin. The promise the we “need not fear” means that live or die, through righteousness, we will overcome our trials and receive the greatest reward possible: to return to the presence of the Father.

Were righteous people killed in 9/11? Yes, they were. Do righteous people die because of war and invasion? By the Millions Were righteous people killed in the earthquake in Islamabad? Yes But the righteous need not fear that great and terrible day of judgment. God will judge each man by what level of truth and knowledge he had, and how he lived up to that level. And then, every person who repents of sins, accepts Christ as his Savior, either in this life or the next if he didn't have the opurtunity in mortality, will qualify for the full application of the Savior’s atonement and by his grace, after all that we can do, then we are saved!!! If the only fear we have is fear itself, then the righteous need only fear being unrighteous.

I’m grateful for the Gospel of Jesus Christ as restored through The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, and The Book of Mormon. With these great tools in my life, I can understand the confusion and chaos that has befallen the world in these last days. I am aware of the spiritual significance of “worldly” events and I am unafraid because I know it is all part of Gods plan to spread the gospel, humble the proud and destroy the wicked. The world is not spinning out of control. God is at the helm and although we go through dark times and great trials, he is working his plan. Through his prophets he has revealed his plan to the righteous so they need not fear, but remain calm and work to carry out their part of his plan: the spreading of the Gospel in our homes, communities and around the world.

Days 25-26: “Carol Hits the Wall and Shared Goals” 2nd Nephi 25-Jacob 2 pgs 100-122

2005-10-06T00:00:00.000-07:00

Life here has fallen out of its normal rhythms and is in semi-chaos since my husband is visiting for the month and it is now the Islamic Holy month of Ramadan. My reading has really suffered since it has lately been put off till I have to force my 10 pages past my sleepy eyes and burned out brain. Not good. Today I’m going to try to get it done earlier, but with more people in the house, and more things to do means less quiet time to read. Well, where there’s a will there’s a way.

Two days ago my hubby arrived at 4am from Pakistan. We had been expecting his flight at midnight, but his plane boarded hours late, so we weren’t able get any sleep that night. I did get a 2 hour nap from 6am -8am the next morning when I had to drive my daughter to work. Needless to say, that day required a lot of diet Pepsi to get through. It was nearly midnight before I got some quiet time to finish my 10 pages. I thought another glass of Pepsi would help me stay awake for an hour so I went to the kitchen to open a new 1.5 liter bottle. Sleepyhead as I was, I dropped the open, room temperature bottle. It hit the floor, bounded, turned sideways and hit the floor again with the roar of a jet engine and spewing out Pepsi foam like some spectacular bottle rocket! The foam shot across the floor 8 feet, hit the wall and splattered the entire width and length of the kitchen. Bang! Pop!! Woosh!!!

My hero, husband and best friend rushed to my aid. What luck that this apartment has a drain in the middle of the kitchen floor and that the pop was sugar-free. We swept and squeegeed the pop down the drain, followed with a bucket of water and finished with a dry mop. Needless to say, just about that time I hit the wall. I literally had exhausted every last drop of energy let, so with only 5 pages of my reading complete, I had to crawl into bed.

Last night wasn’t much better. Car shopping kept us out till 11:30. Now I had 15 pages to read! I did stumble though, but I’m not pleased with the quality of that accomplishment.

There were so many wonderful scriptures that touched my heart and I wanted to quote and expound upon; to add my testimony to those of Nephi had Jacob. Nephi’s goal in keeping the brass plates is to guide his family and future generations to Christ. My goal is the same: That I may give my testimony of Christ to my family and to future generations that they may come unto Christ and be saved.

When I replaced my scriptures a few years ago with the set I now have, I had to decide if I wanted to mark them. I decided not to. I’ve had these scriptures for 3 years now and the only scripture I’ve marked in any way are these in 2nd Nephi 25: [21] Wherefore, for this cause hath the Lord God promised unto me that these things which I write shall be kept and preserved, and handed down unto my seed, from generation to generation, that the promise may be fulfilled unto Joseph, that his seed should never perish as long as the earth should stand.

[23] For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethren, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.

[26] And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins.

[28] And now behold, my people, ye are a stiffnecked people; wherefore, I have spoken plainly unto you, that ye cannot misunderstand. And the words which I have spoken shall stand as a testimony against you; for they are sufficient to teach any man the right way; for the right way is to believe in Christ and deny him not; for by denying him ye also deny the prophets and the law.

[29] And now behold, I say unto you that the right way is to believe in Christ, and deny him not; and Christ is the Holy One of Israel; wherefore ye must bow down before him, and worship him with all your might, mind, and strength, and your whole soul; and if ye do this ye shall in nowise be cast out.

Like Nephi, in the daytime my thoughts and prayers focus on bringing my family unto Christ. At night my tears water my pillow for the welfare of my children, grandchildren and future generations. It is my prayer that my faith will not die with me, but will be passed on to guide my descendants to salvation through Jesus Christ. If not, then my life and my sacrifice, my tears and my trials will all have been in vain: and that is something so dire, I never want to think about the consequences.

Daze 23-24 I'm Reading but in a Daze

2005-10-04T03:43:00.000-07:00

I've been keeping up with my 10 pages per day reading, but my computer melted down got exterminated, and now still has technical difficulties. I spoke to our Arab computer shop techie and he said to bring my BC (there's no P in Arabic) in after evening prayers and he'll look at it. I think I must have blushed because in my youth BC was butt crack in our kid lingo: which NOBODY wanted to see! I can understand not being able to say P's but it's really funny to read things spelled with B's instead of P's. There are adverts in the papers for Labtob's for sale.

I'm at the neighborhood internet cafe where the keyboards are infested with little baby coackroaches! I forgot to bring my B of M or my notes, so I'm just winging it.

Any way, I've been reading the Isaiah chapters as quoted by Jacob. It's pretty heavy stuff and since I've been on decongestants and antibiotics that turn me to a sleepy Zombie, much of the significance of it went right over my stuffed up head. I did remember I had a copy of Ludlow's B of M Commentary so I got that out and read about how important parts I had glossed over. Those pills should have a disclaimer: Danger! Do not operate heavy machinery or read the writings of Isaiah while under the influence.

Here is some GREAT news. My hubby arrived in the country this morning and now he's here for a month to help me get my wild child under control (for a while, anyway)!!! AND we celebrate 29 years of bi-racial, cross-cultural, inter-faith marriage!!! Beat that! Yes, such a feat is worthy of 7 exclaimination points in one paragraph! (Oops, make that 8)

Day 22: "The Love of Christ Vs the Love of Carol" 2nd Nephi 8-11 pgs 70-81

2005-10-01T11:39:00.000-07:00

2nd Nephi 11: [3] And my brother, Jacob, also has seen him as I have seen him; wherefore, I will send their words forth unto my children to prove unto them that my words are true. Wherefore, by the words of three, God hath said, I will establish my word. Nevertheless, God sendeth more witnesses, and he proveth all his words.

I often wonder whom God will send as a special witness of Christ for the Muslim people? I have heard stories of ordinary people having extraordinary manifestations of Christ in areas where people weren't believers of the Bible or Christ. It seems to me as if God sends special witnesses to open doors and hearts in non-Christian areas. I do believe he will send them their own witnesses. And I do believe it will be soon.

My Large Hulking Son (LHS) is really pushing the limits. In just the past few days he's missed Friday prayer AGAIN, had the police called on him for driving "donuts" in a sandlot, backed the car into a pedestrian giving him a bruised leg, and stayed out playing video games all night on a school night without calling home. He's also been smoking in the house despite repeated requests to refrain.

His father's flying into the country for the month of Ramadan and there will be hell to pay for his wild and reckless behavior. I really welcome the help, but I don't look forward to the yelling that will ensue. It's chaos here and I'm tired of it.

I've told my husband he needs to have the manager run the restaurant in Pakistan and get over here on a permanent basis. We were hoping to have the restaurant sold by now, but there have been no serious offers in 4 months. I had also hoped LHS would have calmed down once college started, but that has not been the case. In fact he has some sort of mental chess game going: he thinks we "owe" him some "slack" since he's doing us the "favor" of going to college and staying off drugs. Every time he gives us one behavior we want, he lowers his standards somewhere else.

Needles to say I'm having a hard time maintaining my calm, not to mention my sanity. I'm beginning to view him as "the enemy" again. We are still keeping up with the hug therapy, but he's pushing and pushing and pushing. Oh yeah, did I mention his neck full of hickeys which he lied about, AND he ate a rare and imported candy bar I had given his sister as a special treat. Now that's, the straw that broke the camel's back!

Anyway, I realize I'm trying to love him with the "Love of Carol." The "Love of Carol" is good stuff IF you are kind to me, treat me gently and never misuse me. However, the "Love of Carol" is like a cheap toy. If you tamper with it too much it will break and it has no warrantee. What I need to do is channel the "Love of Christ" to this kid. The "Love of Christ" is powerful stuff. It has an unlimited, eternal, full-coverage warrantee. It guarantees complete and perfect love no matter what the circumstances. It even covers tampering and rough usage. The "Love of Christ" comes free, but you can only get it from an authorized dealer. I have to partner with Christ to be that authorized dealer for my son, 'cause he needs a wholesale shipment.

Day 21: "Nephi's Psalms" 2nd Nephi 3-7 pgs 60-70

2005-09-30T10:40:00.000-07:00

Today's reading included one of the most beautiful and poignant passages of praise in recorded scripture in. He pours out his heart and soul into these passages. He reveals his shortcomings and marvels that the Lord has shown him such great mysteries and wonders. He recalls his many trials and praises the Lord for bringing him through each and every one. He sorrows for his sin and weaknesses, while glorying in his Lord.

I must raise my voice with Nephi in praising my Lord for his tender mercies to one so weak and unworthy as myself. In all my trials I have felt the Lord's sustaining love to strengthen and support me. I know it’s a lot to copy and paste here, but I hope and pray you will read and enjoy it as much as I do. It is so beautifuly written I must raise my voice in duet and sing the songs of praise and glory to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

2nd Nephi 4:16- 35] Behold, my soul delighteth in the things of the Lord; and my heart pondereth continually upon the things which I have seen and heard.

[17] Nevertheless, notwithstanding the great goodness of the Lord, in showing me his great and marvelous works, my heart exclaimeth: O wretched man that I am! Yea, my heart sorroweth because of my flesh; my soul grieveth because of mine iniquities.

[18] I am encompassed about, because of the temptations and the sins which do so easily beset me.

[19] And when I desire to rejoice, my heart groaneth because of my sins; nevertheless, I know in whom I have trusted.

[20] My God hath been my support; he hath led me through mine afflictions in the wilderness; and he hath preserved me upon the waters of the great deep.

[21] He hath filled me with his love, even unto the consuming of my flesh.

[22] He hath confounded mine enemies, unto the causing of them to quake before me.

[23] Behold, he hath heard my cry by day, and he hath given me knowledge by visions in the nighttime.

[24] And by day have I waxed bold in mighty prayer before him; yea, my voice have I sent up on high; and angels came down and ministered unto me.

[25] And upon the wings of his Spirit hath my body been carried away upon exceedingly high mountains. And mine eyes have beheld great things, yea, even too great for man; therefore I was bidden that I should not write them.

[26] O then, if I have seen so great things, if the Lord in his condescension unto the children of men hath visited men in so much mercy, why should my heart weep and my soul linger in the valley of sorrow, and my flesh waste away, and my strength slacken, because of mine afflictions?

[27] And why should I yield to sin, because of my flesh? Yea, why should I give way to temptations, that the evil one have place in my heart to destroy my peace and afflict my soul? Why am I angry because of mine enemy?

[28] Awake, my soul! No longer droop in sin. Rejoice, O my heart, and give place no more for the enemy of my soul.

[29] Do not anger again because of mine enemies. Do not slacken my strength because of mine afflictions.

[30] Rejoice, O my heart, and cry unto the Lord, and say: O Lord, I will praise thee forever; yea, my soul will rejoice in thee, my God, and the rock of my salvation.

[31] O Lord, wilt thou redeem my soul? Wilt thou deliver me out of the hands of mine enemies? Wilt thou make me that I may shake at the appearance of sin?

[32] May the gates of hell be shut continually before me, because that my heart is broken and my spirit is contrite! O Lord, wilt thou not shut the gates of thy righteousness before me, that I may walk in the path of the low valley, that I may be strict in the plain road!

[33] O Lord, wilt thou encircle me around in the robe of thy righteousness! O Lord, wilt thou make a way for mine escape before mine enemies! Wilt thou make my path straight before me! Wilt thou not place a stumbling block in my way -- but that thou wouldst clear my way before me, and hedge not up my way, but the ways of mine enemy.

[34] O Lord, I have trusted in thee, and I will trust in thee forever. I will not put my trust in the arm of flesh; for I know that cursed is he that putteth his trust in the arm of flesh. Yea, cursed is he that putteth his trust in man or maketh flesh his arm.

[35] Yea, I know that God will give liberally to him that asketh. Yea, my God will give me, if I ask not amiss; therefore I will lift up my voice unto thee; yea, I will cry unto thee, my God, the rock of my righteousness. Behold, my voice shall forever ascend up unto thee, my rock and mine everlasting God. Amen.

Day 20 "Jacob, the 3rd Witness" 1st Nephi 22-2nd Nephi: 2 pgs50-60

2005-09-29T11:00:00.000-07:00

We are only 57 pages into the Book of Mormon and we have our third eye witness of Christ. Lehi has seen him, Nephi has seen him and now we learn that Nephi's younger brother Jacob saw him while a youth. 2nd Nephi 2: [4] (Lehi addresses Jacob) And thou hast beheld in thy youth his glory; wherefore, thou art blessed even as they unto whom he shall minister in the flesh; for the Spirit is the same, yesterday, today, and forever. ***

I just love those witnesses of Christ. God provides us with soooo many witness of his Son, Jesus Christ.

I also liked this statement from Lehi to Jacob. 2nd Nephi 2: [2] Nevertheless, Jacob, my first-born in the wilderness, thou knowest the greatness of God; and he shall consecrate thine afflictions for thy gain.***

I hope God is doing that for me, "consecrating my afflictions for my gain." Today during the morning commute my daughter and I were listening to a tape of Motown classics and as "Only the Strong Survive" I reached over and took her hand and said with a laugh, "They're playing our song." She agreed. The Lord is certainly busy applying the refiner's fire in my life.

Lehi's overview of the spiritual history of the America seems to ring loud and true in the wake of recent developments of the past few years.

2nd Nephi 1:10-12…behold, I say, if the day shall come that they will reject the Holy One of Israel, the true Messiah, their Redeemer and their God, behold, the judgments of him that is just shall rest upon them.

[11] Yea, he will bring other nations unto them, and he will give unto them power, and he will take away from them the lands of their possessions, and he will cause them to be scattered and smitten.

[12] Yea, as one generation passeth to another there shall be bloodsheds, and great visitations among them; wherefore, my sons, I would that ye would remember; yea, I would that ye would hearken unto my words.

I am only 50 years old yet in my short lifetime America has been involved in the Korean Conflict, the "Cold War", Vietnam, the Gulf War, the current occupations of Afghanistan and Iraq, 9/11 and now Hurricane Katrina. It was been a lifetime of wars, rumors of wars, threats of war, terrorism and earthquakes and other natural disasters of vast proportions. Maybe that is why President Hinckley is challenging us to read the Book of Mormon.

Day 19: "Waters of Judah: Waters of Baptism?" 1st Nephi 18-21 pgs 41-50

2005-09-29T01:03:00.000-07:00

I did my reading today, but I've got a cold and I don't feel like writing. How one gets a "cold" in such a hot country is a mystery. We are still hitting 100 degrees here and it's the end of September already. My throat hurts, I'm sniffy, stuffed up and really tired. Now I just learned I have to walk to the optometrist with my daughter to get her new glasses. I was hoping to go to bed early tonight, but that idea is out the window.

There was one expression in my reading that puzzled me. In 1st Nephi 20: [1] Hearken and hear this, O house of Jacob, who are called by the name of Israel, and are come forth out of the waters of Judah, or out of the waters of baptism, who swear by the name of the Lord, and make mention of the God of Israel, yet they swear not in truth nor in righteousness.

I want to know why the "waters of Judah" are the "waters of baptism" I read the TG and only Isaiah uses this expression. Does anyone have an answer?

Day 18: "The Wicked Sloth-Monkey Kings" 1st Nephi 15-17 pgs 30-40

2005-09-27T11:43:00.000-07:00

I went to visit my newly married daughter for the afternoon so I took my Book of Mormon with me. After lunch she did the laundry while I sat at her dinning table and read my 10 pages.

With the death of Ishamel in chapter 16 Lamen and Lemuel are openly rebellious with murderous intent towards Lehi and Nephi. 1st Nephi 16:[37] And Laman said unto Lemuel and also unto the sons of Ishmael: Behold, let us slay our father, and also our brother Nephi, who has taken it upon him to be our ruler and our teacher, who are his elder brethren.

[38] Now, he says that the Lord has talked with him, and also that angels have ministered unto him. But behold, we know that he lies unto us; and he tells us these things, and he worketh many things by his cunning arts, that he may deceive our eyes, thinking, perhaps, that he may lead us away into some strange wilderness; and after he has led us away, he has thought to make himself a king and a ruler over us, that he may do with us according to his will and pleasure. And after this manner did my brother Laman stir up their hearts to anger. ***

Here is the beginning of the lie that leads to the downfall of the children of Lehi. This one lie, created in jealously and anger went on to form the basis of a tradition of hate that was passed down from father to son, from generation to generation. The false premise that Nephi wanted to usurp power and authority over his elder brothers formed the foundation of the Lamanite culture. Sad, isn't it?

Lamen and Lemuel have been scolded by an angel, and chastised by the voice of the Lord yet still they are continuing to make trouble. In chapter 17 Nephi is commanded to build a boat and the brothers try to withhold their labor.

Nephi 17: [45] Ye are swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God. Ye have seen an angel, and he spake unto you; yea, ye have heard his voice from time to time; and he hath spoken unto you in a still small voice, but ye were past feeling, that ye could not feel his words; wherefore, he has spoken unto you like unto the voice of thunder, which did cause the earth to shake as if it were to divide asunder. ***

Yes, I know this is weird, but I smiled to myself as I read that. Let me explain why. In our family we have an expression for someone who is quick to make mischief but slow to do good: a wicked sloth-monkey. I was smiling because when I read the verse above, I realized Laman and Lemuel were wicked sloth-monkies. In fact they were wsm's to the extreme. I conjectured that they were Wicked Sloth-monkey Kings!!! I thoroughly enjoyed the rest of the chapter where Nephi threatens them with death if they touch him and later when the Lord tells Nephi to touch them and give them a jolt, they are stupid enough to fall at his feet and worship him. Ha ha. What dopes!

When I finished my reading my daughter joined me at the table and inquired about my reading. I think I still must have had a silly grin on my face to make her wonder what I had read that was so amusing. I laughingly told her about Laman and Lemuel's wickeness and stupidity.

I then read to her verse 45: "swift to do iniquity but slow to remember the Lord your God." I quiz her, what does that sound like in the family vernacular? Right away she piped in, "WICKED SLOTH-MONKIES!!! So the best way to deal with wicked sloth-monkies is to use shock therapy?" We shared a good laugh. Who says scripture study can't be fun?

Day 17: "Increased Perception" 1st Nephi 11-14 pgs19-30

2005-09-26T12:31:00.000-07:00

It's interesting how my reading has greatly increased my perception and reception of the influence of the Holy Spirit. It's a lingering sensation of goodness deep in my soul; kind of like the joy you feel when you meet a good friend unexpectedly, you greet; perhaps embrace and then you are both off on your ways again, but you depart with a sudden boast in your happiness.

That's how I would express my feelings of increased attunement with the Holy Spirit these past 17 days, except it isn't a fleeting feeling but a lingering 24-hour feeling. I can even feel it, as I am drifting off to or just waking from sleep. This morning I awakened with the words "Less of me and more of Thee" drifting through my head. It as if the Spirit is whispering truths to me that I can hear best when I'm in a quiet, relaxed state.

Today's reading was jam packed with prophecy, revelation, truth, an overview of Christ's life, and the spiritual history of the world. Nephi saw it all and basically lays it all out till he gets to the part of the 2nd coming and is commanded to leave those parts for John the Beloved to reveal. Truly amazing and wonderful stuff!!!

I'd love to have the time to go verse-by-verse and either explain it or add my witness, but it's late and I need to get to bed. I can feel an ache in my throat and I'm worried I'm getting a cold.

After writing yesterday's blog entry, I thought I had to at least try to reach my family. I reminded my daughter of my reading and invited her to join me. She said something to the effect that the less she knew about the Mormon faith, the more respect she could have for me. That was painful.

I asked the Lord what I should be doing, but haven't received a plan of action yet, but at least I know now that I'm to keep asking for his will, and not to give up so easily. Giving up comes naturally to me. If I was a missionary, I'd get up every morning, put on my nametag, open my front door and expect to see a line of people anxious to hear the gospel message. I always have the attitude of "Lord, I'm doing my part, now you do yours. Make this easy for me." But the Lord doesn't work that way does he? If he wants me to stretch and grow and fight and claw my way towards my goals, than I guess that is what I must do.

Day 16: 1st Nephi 5-19: "Speak These Things and Deny Them Not" pgs 10-19

2005-09-25T08:59:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I realized that the only time I am sufficiently awake and aware to pray meaningfully is mid-day. Today I tried a spiritual experiment. I set the oven time for 5 minutes went into my bedroom and engaged in heartfelt prayer. Now, you have to realize for a quiet, non-verbal person, 5 minutes is a long time. I knelt and asked the Lord to forgive me as he forgave the Brother of Jared. I told the Lord that I wanted to repent of a lifetime of weak and mindless prayers, that I didn't know how to have a meaningful relationship with him and I needed his help. I reminded him that I was following the scriptures to seek spiritual gifts from him. I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me and tell me what I should pray for.

I told the Lord my 29th wedding anniversary is coming up. I thought I would have my husband converted 28 ½ years ago; that I want my husband, my children, my son and daughter-in-law and my grandchildren to come to Christ. I want my family to be missionaries to the Muslim people of the world. I realized I needed to seek God's will in my life. I needed to know if I should continue in this goal for my family, if this was a righteous goal, if it was his will for them too.

That is the key point. If it is not his will, then I can gracefully accept that and abandon my hopes without any guilt on my part. If it is his will that it should not happen now, then I must pray for patience and continue waiting and praying. If we share a common goal, then I need to know what I should do, say, or act with fearless dedication and confidence to bring our united goal to fruition.

This was some pretty serious stuff for my first attempt at heartfelt prayer. I'd say it was a success thanks to his guiding Spirit. I guess a key to a prayer relationship is not me talking, so much as me trying to find the Lord's will.

Yesterday's reading left me like, "Ho, hum, here we start again on a familiar journey." It was like a boring walk around the block…. But today's reading has left me jazzed. It's like I have walked out my front door and discovered a vast treasure in my front yard!

Today's reading was our first witness of Christ. Here we are just 17 pages into the Book of Mormon, and the life of Jesus Christ is plainly foretold by a prophet of God 600 years before it will happen. Just think, in 1st Nephi 10 Lehi lays out the Savior's life so plainly that none can miss the point that Jesus Christ is the Messiah, the Savior of the World, the Lamb of God, He who will be slain by the Jews, resurrected and made manifest unto the Gentiles, the Son of God.

I want to shout from the rooftops. I want to run out my apartment building, and give my testimony over the loudspeaker of the mosque behind my house. I want the entire world to know what I know and feel what I feel.

I want to be able to influence others with my testimony, yet sadly I realize that my influence is so weak, my writing so ineffective that my own family will ignore my feelings, my joy, my faith. They aren't home now, but soon my son and daughter will walk in from a day at work and school. I will hug them both with long embraces wishing I could transfer my knowledge, joy and testimony to them though my touch.

I wish I could testify and they would listen, that I could write and they would read. I wish that they would follow Nephi's advice:

1st Nephi 10: [17] And it came to pass after I, Nephi, having heard all the words of my father, concerning the things which he saw in a vision, and also the things which he spake by the power of the Holy Ghost, which power he received by faith on the Son of God -- and the Son of God was the Messiah who should come -- I, Nephi, was desirous also that I might see, and hear, and know of these things, by the power of the Holy Ghost, which is the gift of God unto all those who diligently seek him, as well in times of old as in the time that he should manifest himself unto the children of men.

[18] For he is the same yesterday, to-day, and forever; and the way is prepared for all men from the foundation of the world, if it so be that they repent and come unto him.

[19] For he that diligently seeketh shall find; and the mysteries of God shall be unfolded unto them, by the power of the Holy Ghost, as well in these times as in times of old, and as well in times of old as in times to come; wherefore, the course of the Lord is one eternal round.

[20] Therefore remember, O man, for all thy doings thou shalt be brought into judgment.

[21] Wherefore, if ye have sought to do wickedly in the days of your probation, then ye are found unclean before the judgment-seat of God; and no unclean thing can dwell with God; wherefore, ye must be cast off forever.

[22] And the Holy Ghost giveth authority that I should speak these things, and deny them not. ***

The mosque is giving the call to prayer and I am crying because I have a call to Christ, but I must hold it inside. I wonder if what I have written today is enough to get me kicked out of the country if the wrong people discover it, but I don't care. If I can't say it or shout it from the rooftops, I have to put it into cyber-space for my testimony burns in my heart and I cannot deny it.

Day 15, Begin at the Beginning: 1st Nephi 1-4, pages 1-10

2005-09-24T13:00:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I finished the Book of Mormon. Now I have to begin at the beginning and read to 3rd Nephi so I can complete the whole book. Now that I've been fortified with the wonderful stories of Christ's appearance, the inspiring writings and testimony found in Moroni, and Ether, I am buoyed up. I've got enough momentum to get past the nearly memorized book of 1st Nephi, pick my way through the encoded writings of Isaiah and wade through the wordy writing style of Alma. I will persevere.

I did my reading today in a cramped and crowded doctor's waiting room that very much reminded me of Pakistan. It was full of Pakistani men, women and children. Since Pakistanis don't hire babysitters, wherever the parents go, the children go too. Even a trip to the doctor is a family outing. Having been married to a Pakistani for nearly 29 years, and having lived a total of 8 years in Pakistan, I am somewhat of a professional observer of Pakistani culture. So there I was trying to read my big large print quad scriptures with kids clambering around me, people bumping into me when they sat down, and children coming up to stare me in the face. All the sights, smells and sounds of "home": amusing, and nostalgic, but not conducive to serious study.

Like Nephi, I too was born of goodly parents, taught somewhat in the learning of my father, having seen much afflictions but have been highly favored of the Lord. I can even go on to say that I too have had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my reading of the Book of Mormon and how it is enriching my life.

Yea, I make a record in the language of my father, which consists of the learning of the American public school system in the language of the English.

And I know that the testimony which I make is true; and I type it with mine own hand; and I make it according to my knowledge.

And the purpose of this testimony is to convince all people, Jew, Gentile and Muslim that Jesus is the Christ. That all my come unto a knowledge of their Redeemer and Savior. That all my feel of his love, as I have.

I've been trying to pray more meaningfully at night,but I must admit,at night I'm just too darn tired to think. I"m not much better in the morning either. I guess, the afternoon is going to be the only time I can be quiet and meditative without falling fast asleep. This goal of building a better prayer relationship is HARD.

Day 14 pages 520-end: Moroni 7 –10 Carolni's Promise

2005-09-24T02:38:00.000-07:00

Moroni seals his life's work with his testimony of the record we call the Book of Mormon. I would like to paraphrase his eloquent and heartfelt appeal and "liken the scriptures" to send a personalized version of his testimony to my family.

Now I, Carolni, write somewhat as seemeth me good; and I write unto my children, the Muslimites; and I would that they should know that it has been more than one hundred and seventy-five years since the coming of God, the Eternal Father and his Son, Jesus Christ to the boy-prophet Joseph Smith.

And later, the resurrected prophet Moroni delivered up these records for Smith to translate, and leave a few words by way of exhortation unto you.

Behold, I, Carolni would exhort you that when ye shall read these things, if it be wisdom in God that ye should read them, that ye would remember how merciful the Lord hath been unto the children of men, from the creation of Adam even down unto the time that ye shall receive these things, and ponder it in your hearts.

And when ye shall receive these things, I would exhort you that ye would ask God, the Eternal Father, in the name of Christ, if these things are not true; and if ye shall ask with a sincere heart, with real intent, having faith in Christ, he will manifest the truth of it unto you, by the power of the Holy Ghost.

And by the power of the Holy Ghost ye may know the truth of all things.

For I, Carolni, have read this record called the Book of Mormon and I have put the promise to the test. God in his great grace and mercy hath shown in my heart, by the power of the Holy Spirit that these things are true. After receiving my witness, with faith and after much repentance, I abandoned my wicked ways and returned to the fold of Christ to be numbered among his followers. This path has brought me nothing but joy, even exceeding great joy so sweet and pure that I have not words to describe it. This same witness can be yours if you will but read and pray in faith.

Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, abandon the false traditions of your fathers, deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; and if by the grace of God ye are perfect in Christ, ye can in nowise deny the power of God.
And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.

And now I bid unto all, farewell. I leave you my testimony to stand as a witness in cyber-space now and till the day I go to rest in the paradise of God, until my spirit and body shall again reunite, and I am brought forth triumphant through the air, to meet you before the pleasing bar of the great Jehovah, the Eternal Judge of both quick and dead. It is my prayer that we will be united in the bonds of faith and family; to dwell in the presence of our Father and Savior forever. Amen.

Now that I've reached the end, I'm ready to begin at the beginning. It's weird, I know, but I started my reading on page 406, 3rd Nephi. Any takers on the blog the challenge challenge... now's the time to start in and blog along.

Day 13: Ether 12- Moroni 6 pgs 510-520 "The Sacrament: Our Weekly 'Report"

2005-09-24T00:43:00.000-07:00

Another day of reading about genocide! What a bummer! Over 2 million people killing each other till the numbers dwindle down to two. The "winner" beheads his enemy and then falls victim to his own wounds. No one won…but Satan. Isn't that just his style?! On to less depressing stuff.

After finishing his abridgment of the Jaredite records, Mononi, himself the soul survivor of the genocide of his people, finds because he hasn't been discovered and killed yet, he has time to write a bit more. He gives us the sacrament prayers.

Moroni 4:[3] O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this bread to the souls of all those who partake of it; that they may eat in remembrance of the body of thy Son, and witness (covenant) unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him, and keep his commandments which he hath given them, that they may always have his Spirit to be with them. Amen. ***

The bread represents Christ's body and the works of his body, or his works in the flesh. After we take his name upon us (become Christians) we are to always remember him (his work, his ministry, his miracles, his atonement) and then we are to keep his commandments: the greatest of which was to be like him.

Moroni 5
[1] The manner of administering the wine -- Behold, they took the cup, and said:

[2] O God, the Eternal Father, we ask thee, in the name of thy Son, Jesus Christ, to bless and sanctify this wine (nowadays we use water) to the souls of all those who drink of it, that they may do it in remembrance of the blood of thy Son, which was shed for them; that they may witness unto thee, O God, the Eternal Father, that they do always remember him, that they may have his Spirit to be with them. Amen. ***

The wine/water represents his blood. Christ gave his life's blood to atone for us. Christ sealed his work with his blood. We are to remember his atonement, and covenant (witness) unto God that we ARE remembering Christ as our Savior.

Notice the subtle but important change in the two prayers. Bread prayer: " that they are willing to take upon them the name of thy Son, and always remember him." Here the Lord is asking for a commitment from us after we become members. In the prayer for the wine the words change to "do always remember him". Here, we are witnessing that we are doing what he asked of us. It's kind of like an asignemnt and report between God and us. The Lord: "Are you willing to remember and obey?" Us: "Yes, we are doing as you asked. We DO remember him."

The sacrament is our weekly chance to remew, remember and then report.

Day 12: Ether 8-12 pgs 500-510: "Horses and Elephants and Cureloms, OH MY!"

2005-09-21T11:25:00.000-07:00

There was a lot to think about in today's action packed reading. First I'll mention page after page of murder, revolt and secret combinations. We are warned soooo many times to beware of these secret combinations. I wondered, "Lord, what are they? How can I avoid them if I don't know how to recognize them?"

I wondered if they were a political party or corrupt people within political parties or dictators or just the total forces of evil or what? As I thought of these things I remembered we are to judge a tree by its fruits. The fruits of the secret combinations are murder and mayhem to get power and over though righteous governance. With that thought I considered past political rebellions that claimed to be "of the people, by the people and for the people" but turned out to be excuses to over throw proper governance, create poverty and chaos among the masses and kill or imprison all rivals. I'm not naming countries, but I imagine you can guess who I'm thinking of.

I wondered about how this applies to modern America. We have mafias, drug cartels and street gangs all trying to rule by violence. They would destroy the rule of law so they could freely traffic in drugs, prostitution and power mongering. That sounds like an apple that didn't fall far from the secret combinations tree. So, I guess I can combine the two ideas of murderous "politicians" and organized criminals who form groups of murder and mayhem for profit and power.

The next idea that came as I was reading happened as I read Ether 9: [19] And they also had horses, and asses, and there were elephants and cureloms and cumoms; all of which were useful unto man, and more especially the elephants and cureloms and cumoms.***

Modern history tells us that there were no horses on the American continent till after the Spanish brought them. Modern science tells us that there never were elephants on the American continent and what the heck are curelons and cumoms? Why didn't Joseph Smith translate the names of those animals into English? And the Jaredites came by covered "barges" as long as a tree in a journey that took almost a year. Are we to believe they imported horses and elephants with them? The B of M does mention they have animals, but horses and elephants on little barges are a large leap of faith. I thought about this for a few minutes, and then proceeded on with my reading.

Did Joseph Smith have to translate words from an ancient language to modern English or did he have ideas put into his mind through the Holy Spirit and then he had to "relate" them into organized sentences of his own construct. I have the feeling that he did both at different times. From what I understand, the lost 116 pages were translated via the urim and thummim and were a word for word translation. The U & T was taken away after the pages were lost and thereafter to "translate" the rest, Smith used a seer stone which put compete ideas or images in his mind which he had to put into a readable format. Is this a glitch that God put in to test us? Did Smith miss-translate the names of the animals?

I believe I've found the answer further on in today's reading. In Ether 12, my favorite chapter of scripture in all the standard works, Moroni laments the weakness of his writing. 23: … Lord, the Gentiles will mock at these things, because of our weakness in writing; for Lord thou hast made us mighty in word by faith, but thou hast not made us mighty in writing; for thou hast made all this people that they could speak much, because of the Holy Ghost which thou hast given them;

[24] And thou hast made us that we could write but little, because of the awkwardness of our hands. Behold, thou hast not made us mighty in writing like unto the brother of Jared, for thou madest him that the things which he wrote were mighty even as thou art, unto the overpowering of man to read them.

[25] Thou hast also made our words powerful and great, even that we cannot write them; wherefore, when we write we behold our weakness, and stumble because of the placing of our words; and I fear lest the Gentiles shall mock at our words. ***

The portion about the animal confusion is Joseph Smith's version of Moroni's abridgment of the writings of the Br. of Jared. It's a he said, she said, he said sort of situation that reminds me of the "telephone" party game we played as kids. No wonder there's confusion big enough to slip a horse and an elephant through. But, you know what? It is just a moot point. This confusion doesn't involve doctrine. It would be foolish for me or any one else to condemn the B of M as false or fictional. If we are to judge the tree by its fruits, this is a tiny blemish on an otherwise beautiful apple. I'm not going to throw away a whole apple over a tiny imperfection and I'm not going to discard the B of M, the LDS Church or the Gospel of Jesus Christ for such a small weakness.

How does the Lord reply to Moroni?
Ether 12:[26] …Fools mock, but they shall mourn; and my grace is sufficient for the meek, that they shall take no advantage of your weakness;

Moroni closes this chapter with this invitation: Ether 12: [41] And now, I would commend you to seek this Jesus of whom the prophets and apostles have written, that the grace of God the Father, and also the Lord Jesus Christ, and the Holy Ghost, which beareth record of them, may be and abide in you forever. Amen.***

Amen, Brother Moroni. The prophets and apostles are imperfect. The scriptures are imperfect. This blog is HIGHLY IMPERFECT, but I add my testimony that Christ is Perfect and this Book of Mormon is the Most Perfect way to learn of him.

Day 11: Ether 2 – 7 Go To Work and Build: pages 490-500

2005-09-20T07:50:00.000-07:00

Meaningful daily prayer has always been a great challenge for me. Unless the family or I are in crisis, my prayers consist of a sleepy nightly gratitude-check-in while lying in bed and another reclining sing-songy morning invitation to the Lord to bless and protect me and mine that day. When I'm feeling needy or guilty, I kneel by my bed, but the quality of my prayers doesn't improve much.

I've felt terribly guilty about this for years, and even have a hard time admitting it now. I rationalize this serious flaw in the fiber of my spirituality by reminding myself that I'm no chatterbox in real life, a trait I inherited from my father, that my Father in Heaven knows this. Heck, didn't he even make me this way by letting me inherit my Dad's quietness? God will accept me as I am.

While part of me wants to take the easy way out and hope that God accepts me with my faults and flaws, I know he also gives us weaknesses so that we will partner with him, overcome them and grow. I'm anxiously awaiting the day when Ether 12 comes in my daily reading since it contains my favorite scripture, Ether 12: [27] And if men come unto me I will show unto them their weakness. I give unto men weakness that they may be humble; and my grace is sufficient for all men that humble themselves before me; for if they humble themselves before me, and have faith in me, then will I make weak things become strong unto them. *** end of quote

I apply that scripture to many parts of my life. I have the serious weakness of being the mother of a practicing Muslim family, yet I refuse to give up hope, be discouraged or use that as an excuse for not living the gospel to the best of my ability. I even hold myself and my life up to others to invite them to hold on to hope, and live the Gospel no matter what hardships exist in their lives. I see too many women weighed down by self doubts, shame and low esteem because they feel their lives don't fit into what they perceive as the "Mormon mold."

Okay, let's get on to today's reading. How does this apply to what I read today?
In Ether 2:13-15 we read: And now I proceed with my record; for behold, it came to pass that the Lord did bring Jared and his brethren forth even to that great sea which divideth the lands. And as they came to the sea they pitched their tents; and they called the name of the place Moriancumer; and they dwelt in tents, and dwelt in tents upon the seashore for the space of four years.

[14] And it came to pass at the end of four years that the Lord came again unto the brother of Jared, and stood in a cloud and talked with him. And for the space of three hours did the Lord talk with the brother of Jared, and chastened him because he remembered not to call upon the name of the Lord.

[15] And the brother of Jared repented of the evil which he had done, and did call upon the name of the Lord for his brethren who were with him. And the Lord said unto him: I will forgive thee and thy brethren of their sins; but thou shalt not sin any more, for ye shall remember that my Spirit will not always strive with man; wherefore, if ye will sin until ye are fully ripe ye shall be cut off from the presence of the Lord. ***

Why did the Jaredites spend 4 years waiting on the seashore? Was it because the Br. of Jared was a quiet kind'a guy who wasn't into much verbal communitation with his Lord? Was he wondering, "Gee, how is the Lord going to get us to the Promised Land? It's going to take some mighty miracle." Did they sit there wondering what to do next while the Lord patiently waited for the Br. of Jared to approach him in meaningful and heartfelt prayer to get further instructions?

Carol has been waiting quietly for the past 28 years for the Lord to swoop in and convert her family. After a few years of meaningful and heartfelt prayers for her family, she gave up asking. "Maybe it's not the right time," she rationalizes to herself. "Maybe I'm angering God by continuing to implore."

But I think that in reality, I gave up because it takes a lot of effort and faith to pray meaningfully for something that isn't coming. It takes too much time. It hurts too much.

The Lord chastised the Br. of Jared for three hours, then accepted his repentance and told him to get to work building barges. Has my family been waiting on the seashore for 28 years because I haven't repented and asked for my work orders from the Lord? Instead of praying for a sweeping miraculous conversion, maybe I'm supposed to be asking the Lord each day, "What should I do today, Lord, to move my family an inch closer to accepting Christ?"

I guess I've just given myself an new goal for my Book of Mormon reading: I have to "Go to work and build" (Ether 2:16) a meaningful prayer relationship with the Lord so that I may know and do the Lord's work for and in behalf of my family who are dead to the Lord. They may be dead to him, but he isn't dead to them.

This little tidbit of personal revelation has been brought to you by our sponsors: President Hinckley's Book of Mormon Challenge and the Holy Spirit. Put the challenge into your life and see where it leads you.

Day 10:The Parable of Farmer John: Mormon 8- Ether 2 pages 481-492

2005-09-19T11:12:00.000-07:00

Mormon 9
[1] And now, I speak also concerning those who do not believe in Christ.

[2] Behold, will ye believe in the day of your visitation -- behold, when the Lord shall come, yea, even that great day when the earth shall be rolled together as a scroll, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, yea, in that great day when ye shall be brought to stand before the Lamb of God -- then will ye say that there is no God?

[3] Then will ye longer deny the Christ, or can ye behold the Lamb of God? Do ye suppose that ye shall dwell with him under a consciousness of your guilt? Do ye suppose that ye could be happy to dwell with that holy Being, when your souls are racked with a consciousness of guilt that ye have ever abused his laws?

[4] Behold, I say unto you that ye would be more miserable to dwell with a holy and just God, under a consciousness of your filthiness before him, than ye would to dwell with the damned souls in hell.

[5] For behold, when ye shall be brought to see your nakedness before God, and also the glory of God, and the holiness of Jesus Christ, it will kindle a flame of unquenchable fire upon you.

[6] O then ye unbelieving, turn ye unto the Lord; cry mightily unto the Father in the name of Jesus, that perhaps ye may be found spotless, pure, fair, and white, having been cleansed by the blood of the Lamb, at that great and last day.
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Many people see the God's judgment as evidence of a wrathful and vengeful God, but I believe otherwise. I believe God kindly and mercifully places us where we will be comfortable. We will gladly seek our own comfort level and praise him for his mercy in sending us there.

The Parable of Farmer John: by Carol Khan

Suppose you are Farmer John. You have lots of work to do today so you arise early and put on your grungiest work clothes, even though it is Sunday. You know you should be dressing for church, but always seem too busy to attend. First you have hogs to butcher. It's a messy job and your clothes are stained with blood and gore. Then you head out to the barn to muck out the stalls. Afterward, the stalls are clean, but your already bloody and gory clothes are now covered in animal filth. Even your face and hands are filthy.

Just as you are about to return home to bath and put on clean clothes, the messenger of the king appears at your gate. Your heart leaps into your throat for you know what this means. Your king has a habit of inviting his subjects to dine with him and meet with him. The only stipulation is that when their invitation comes, they must stop whatever they are doing and attend the banquet as they are. The messenger commands you to accompany him to the great feast at the king's palace. You are given no time to change, all MUST go immediately with the messenger by the king's command! You accompany the messenger: you cannot refuse.

You are escorted to a banquet hall more beautiful than you had even imagined. The room is full of people dressed in their finest Sunday attire. Some clothes are fancy, some clothes are humble, but all are clean and neat. The people smile and nod to you kindly. You feel ashamed of your smelly, stained, filthy clothes. People invite you towards the banquet table whereon is laid a feast truly fit for a king. You are hungry from your day's hard labor, but you are ashamed to reach for any food because of your filthy hands. You eat and drink nothing. You feel terrible; you are clearly not having a good time. Then after the others have eaten and drunk their fill, the tables are cleared away, and trumpets announce the entrance of the king himself.

He enters the room in clothes so radiant that the light is blinding. His face radiates nothing but love and kindness even brighter than the light of his clothing. The persons in the room line up to be received by the king one by one. All your life you have imagined meeting the king, how he would receive you and smile at you. You stand in line, but you wish there was some way you could run away and hide. This meeting is nothing like you imagined it would be.

The king is receiving everyone with smiles and kind words. He is even more kind and loving than you had ever imagined, but you want to shirk away in shame. When it is your turn to meet him you flinch as he reaches out to take your filthy hand. Your eyes fill with tears and you can't bring yourself to look him in the eyes. He hugs you, looks you full in the face with a sadness you can feel even though you are staring at his feet.

Finally, with tears in his eyes, he addresses you, "I feel your uneasiness. I am sad my invitation caught you unprepared. I can tell you are not comfortable here. I'll have my messenger take you where you will be more comfortable." You raise your eyes in gratitude and try to mumble your thanks, as you are lead away, out of the banquet hall, out of his presence to a place where other people are gathered. You breathe a sigh of relief as you look about the crowded and dimly lit hall and witness others with stained clothes and filthy hands greedily eating and drinking and exclaiming how glad they are that their ordeal is over.

How will we feel when we meet our King? Will we be prepared? If we don't accept Christ, follow Christ and live the gospel to the best of our abilities, then our clothes will not be washed clean in the blood of the Lamb of God. We will have to carry our own sins, stains and filth of the world upon us.

Day 9

2005-09-18T12:38:00.000-07:00

Day 9 Mormon 2- 7 pages 470-480 was lost in cyberspace. Afer two hours of writting. It's nearly midnight, and I'm going to bed. Sorry.

Day 8: Soak Ponder and Pray. 3rd Nephi 28 -4th Nephi 1, pages 460-470

2005-09-17T11:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday's hasty and quick late-night reading was so discouraging that I vowed I would try harder to read earlier in the day. After returning from my job interview, trekking through the shifting sands of Sharjah to the butcher, and starting dinner, I settled in to start reading at about 4pm. As I put my feet up over the arm of the love seat I was shocked by their terrible appearance... I knew I was about 2 months overdue for my seasonal pedicure, but my feet looked even more ashy and crusty then I had realized. I realized their appearance was due in part to a coating of sand dust, it's a Sharjah thing, but I decided to kill two birds with one stone and soak my feet while I read. A quick look around the house failed to find the footbath, so I decided to do something I haven't done in 5 years... take a bath!!! Ok, I'm just messing with your mind; but both houses we lived in in Pakistan had multiple bathrooms, but not a single bathtub. The idea of reading in the bathtub was tempting, but I was afraid to get my scriptures wet. Since I have a large print quad, it's a pretty hefty book. I found a small folding stool that was just the right height to stand beside the tub. So thus equipped and with an ancient bottle of bubble bath, I began. I would read a few pages in a kind of sideways twisted position, then soak and relax for a few minutes while I gave my back a break and pondered what I had just read, and then return to my reading. Pretty enjoyable actually.

Today's reading marked the beginning of the end of the Nephites. Read as I chronicle their rapid decent.

4th Nephi 1:[20] And he kept it eighty and four years, and there was still peace in the land, save it were a small part of the people who had revolted from the church and taken upon them the name of Lamanites; therefore there began to be Lamanites again in the land.

[24] And now, in this two hundred and first year there began to be among them those who were lifted up in pride, such as the wearing of costly apparel, and all manner of fine pearls, and of the fine things of the world.

[25] And from that time forth they did have their goods and their substance no more common among them.

[26] And they began to be divided into classes; and they began to build up churches unto themselves to get gain, and began to deny the true church of Christ.

[27] And it came to pass that when two hundred and ten years had passed away there were many churches in the land; yea, there were many churches which professed to know the Christ, and yet they did deny the more parts of his gospel, insomuch that they did receive all manner of wickedness, and did administer that which was sacred unto him to whom it had been forbidden because of unworthiness. (Carol's note: Could this be taking the sacrament unworthily or allowing unworthy members into the Temple?)

[35] And now it came to pass in this year, yea, in the two hundred and thirty and first year, there was a great division among the people.

[40] And it came to pass that two hundred and forty and four years had passed away, and thus were the affairs of the people. And the more wicked part of the people did wax strong, and became exceedingly more numerous than were the people of God.

[41] And they did still continue to build up churches unto themselves, and adorn them with all manner of precious things. And thus did two hundred and fifty years pass away, and also two hundred and sixty years.

[42] And it came to pass that the wicked part of the people began again to build up the secret oaths and combinations of Gadianton.

[43] And also the people who were called the people of Nephi began to be proud in their hearts, because of their exceeding riches, and become vain like unto their brethren, the Lamanites.

[45] And it came to pass that when three hundred years had passed away, both the people of Nephi and the Lamanites had become exceedingly wicked one like unto another.

[46] And it came to pass that the robbers of Gadianton did spread over all the face of the land; and there were none that were righteous save it were the disciples of Jesus. And gold and silver did they lay up in store in abundance, and did traffic in all manner of traffic.

[47] And it came to pass that after three hundred and five years had passed away, (and the people did still remain in wickedness) Amos died; and his brother, Ammaron, did keep the record in his stead.

[48] And it came to pass that when three hundred and twenty years had passed away, Ammaron, being constrained by the Holy Ghost, did hide up the records which were sacred -- yea, even all the sacred records which had been handed down from generation to generation, which were sacred -- even until the three hundred and twentieth year from the coming of Christ. {end of quote}

There is the shortened version of how the Nephites fell from total righteousness to total wickedness in less than 400 years. We know the Book of Mormon was written, preserved and brought forth to serve as a voice of warning for our time and our people. We can use this list as a warning list against personal apostasy.

How have Large Hulking Son and I been doing? We've had our good times and our arguments. The past few days I have ranted at his rudeness and cried at his callousness, but the change that I felt since I started this program of reading and my inspired program of hugs for service continues in spite of our down and out times. I get angry and hurt, but my heart has been softened. I'm not too hurt or afraid to love him again and that feels really good.

Today he was excessively rude when I had to wake him up early so he could drive me to the job interview. He was dead tired, yelling, rude and insulting. I admit, I yelled back, cursed and even hit him with my small notebook as he was driving and driving me insane at the same time.

This evening he returned from college asked me to make him some burgers, ("You have to hug me first."), then asked for a glass of my pop. "No pop for you." I said. "You drink it all, but you never buy any and I have to drive around town looking for the diet and then carry the big heavy bottles from the parking lot up the stairs." "Okay, he said, I'll buy you more tomorrow. And I'll give you two hugs if you'll please iron my shirt."

And how was my job interview? It was a daylong interactive interview in a nursery school. I haven't been in a nursery class for several years and I was worried that I was too old, too deaf and too grouchy to work with pre-schoolers again, but what can I say? It was like I've never left the classroom. It felt wonderful to be in a classroom again. How can I worry when the interview concluded with me as the recipient of kisses, a group hug and a seruptious tummy tickle?

Day 7: Isaiah and Malachi: Prophet-Laureates 3rd Nephi 21-27 pages 450-460

2005-09-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to double my reading for today. In fact, it's been a busy day and I barely got my 10 pages of reading. I'm saddened that it's 10pm, and I have to read quickly instead of taking my time to savor the writings of Isaiah and Malachi- both write richly and wonderfully, like Shakespeare. It may take the reader longer to understand the imagery and the language, but once that’s done, then you can enjoy masterful writing.

Sadly, it's late, and I have to wake up early for a job interview in the morning, so I've just skimmed quickly instead of feasting on their words.

When I first heard President Hinckley's Book of Mormon challenge read in Sacrament Meeting I thought, "Yes, this is exactly what I need to get back into the habit of daily scripture study." Then I recalled these verses that are in today's reading:

3rd Nephi 26: [6] And now there cannot be written in this book even a hundredth part of the things which Jesus did truly teach unto the people;

[7] But behold the plates of Nephi do contain the more part of the things which he taught the people.

[8] And these things have I written, which are a lesser part of the things which he taught the people; and I have written them to the intent that they may be brought again unto this people, from the Gentiles, according to the words which Jesus hath spoken.

[9] And when they shall have received this, which is expedient that they should have first, to try their faith, and if it shall so be that they shall believe these things then shall the greater things be made manifest unto them.

[10] And if it so be that they will not believe these things, then shall the greater things be withheld from them, unto their condemnation.

[11] Behold, I was about to write them, all which were engraven upon the plates of Nephi, but the Lord forbade it, saying: I will try the faith of my people.

When are we, as a Church, going to prove our faithfulness enough to get the added scriptures we've been promised? I know, with my spiritual laziness, I was part of the problem, not part of the solution. Not only was I holding myself back, but I was part of the membership that are holding the whole Church back.

The revelation of additional scripture will only happen when we all collectively and individually make scripture study a daily habit and living the gospel principles our daily actions.

God, bless me that I prove faithful for whatever blessings you are holding ready for my personal preparedness. Bless your Church that we will follow our prophet, and increase our spiritual capacity.

Oh, yes, I did think about Christ instituting the sacrament to the Nephites during our sacrament time today at Church. It was so uplifted that I wanted to get up and share my testimony, but was saddened when I realized today was not Fast Friday.

And the Relief Society sisters went ga-ga over the gingerbread montage at the Friendship Basket presentation… Sometimes this Wicked Sloth-monkey does things to seek recognition and to stroke her ego. Such is the carnal nature of such creatures.

Day 6: The Wicked Sloth-Monkey Meets the Gingerbread Juggernaut

2005-09-15T14:36:00.000-07:00

Well, I didn't do any B of M reading today. Not even one page. I've been very busy with my favorite addiction: gingerbread baking.

Last Friday at Relief Society I was the recipient of the Friendship Basket. This is a weekly traveling basket that a sister fills from items from her home and then gives to another sister with a little introduction of the sister's past, hobbies, etc. I was genuinely touched to receive the basket last week.

This week I made a couple of calls to the sister whose name I had drawn. She just returned from summer vacation last week and I had never met her. I asked her about her background, hobbies, and family info. Then I began to wonder what I would put into the basket. I decided I would include some gingerbread cookies. Oh, and I would give some to the sweet sister who had given me the basket and my wonderful Visiting Teaching companion. Of course, I HAD to give some to my married daughter who LOVES gingerbread and I knew I had to make enough to feel Large Hulking Son or he would ravage my cookie supply before I even got it out of the house. Theeeen, I decided I would cut a specialty cookie in the shape of the Eiffel Tower since the sister is from France. Then I decided to add a few more specialty cookies, then, I threw caution aside, embraced my cookie addiction and decided I would do a "this is your life" montage in gingerbread.

Ok, now you know I'm crazy. Two days ago I started the baking. Today, the day before Church, I called my sister again to fill in any holes I had left in my information. Hummm, I needed more cookies: more baking, more decorating, more designing special cookies from computer clip art. Then I got really carried away, "Oh, the sisters in Dubai Branch have been so welcoming to me since I moved in 3 months ago, I'll bake a bunch of little gingerbread men so each sister can have one too. It's not nice of me to bring wonderfully aromatic gingerbread to Church and not have enough for everyone to taste."

By then there was no stopping the mental gears of compulsive behavior. "Well," I reasoned, " I should make enough so the sisters with young children can have one for each of their children. Oh, and I guess the older children will not want to be left out. Then there's Young Men's and Young Women's, they're kids too. And what about the men... " That's when I realized I was in path of a gingerbread juggernaut!!! I made another batch of dough, and made about 100 3inch gingerbread men. By then, it was 7:30 pm and my daughter had just returned from work. She eyed the piles of tiny gingerbread, enquired about the mysterious specialty shapes yet unfrosted, ("Hey, what's this gingerbread pig for?" "That's not a pig, it's a cat.") and laughed.

"Thanks for not yelling at me for all this gingerbread." I said, relieved that she hadn't reminded me I was gaining weight.

"Oh, you can never have too much gingerbread in the world," she laughingly replied.
It is now 3am. The cookies have all been decorated. The cookies for the friendship basket have all been backed on foil wrapped cardboard and covered with plastic wrap. The storyline is written out, but cookies are all stacked in the basket in proper order. I've finished my blog and now I'm going to post it, errors and get to bed. Goodnight. Tomorrow I'll try to double my reading to catch up.

The Sacrament: Our Weekly Protection

2005-09-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

Book of Mormon Blog Day 5: 3rd Nephi 17-21
Pages 440-450

The first half of today's reading was like a heavy sweet chocolate desert: rich and gooey and so satisfying that the enjoyment, and even the taste will linger in your mouth for hours.

Christ is ministering to the Nephites. He heals their sick, prays for them with language so powerful, so personal, so sacred that it cannot be written. He blesses their children as a group and then individually. This is Christ unrestrained. This is Christ operating at a celestial level. This is the Christ who finally can stop holding back and pour on the miracles and the love and the joy because here are people faithful enough to receive all he wants to show them: what it feels like to be perfectly attune with the Father, to feel the overwhelming joy and love that comes from being at-one with God: joy so pure and overwhelming that even Christ weeps and weeps again.

I wanted to be there. I wanted to hear the words of the Savior. I wanted to see the ministering angles and rings of fire. I wanted to feel that pure joy so great that the multitude was overcome and even the Savior himself wept tears of joy. I want to crawl into the pages on the book and shut myself in.

After Christ has shown them miracle after miracle, witness after witness of his divinity what does he do? I would think that with such a powerful personal witness, I or anyone else would be set for life…. We would have an unshakable testimony that we could pass on to the next generations and even carry us triumphant to our graves. I would think I had it made, that I wouldn't be tempted anymore, that I would be above such human frailties? What does Christ do? He institutes the sacrament, tells them that they must remember him and witness of him and then warns them that: [ 3rd Nephi 18: 18] Behold, verily, verily, I say unto you, ye must watch and pray always lest ye enter into temptation; for Satan desireth to have you, that he may sift you as wheat.

He admonishes them to meet together oft, to refuse none to worship with them, but he strongly admonishes them to make sure that none partake of the sacrament unworthily. If a person is known to be unworthy, then we are to work with that person to guide him through the repentance process if possible.

I am amazed that after giving these Nephites the greatest outpouring of spiritual gifts and heavenly manifestations ever recorded in scripture Christ provides these people whom he loves dearly with the protection they need from Satan's temptation. The miracles are given as a spiritual gift, but they do not provide "protection." Christ called Twelve Disciples, taught baptism, and instituted the sacrament for the further blessing and protection of these people.

This Friday when I attend my Sacrament service in Dubai, I will be remembering this scene from today's reading. When I partake of the sacrament I'll be remembering my Savior and how he gave the sacrament to the Book of Mormon people. He gave them the Gospel and then he gave then The Church: the same church we attend. Through Joseph Smith, our loving Savior has restored the same Gospel and Church for our blessing and protection. Maybe I'm present at a miraculous event every Sabbath but I didn’t realize it.

My family has often used Deut.18:15 as Biblical proof that Mohammed was a prophet of God. Here Christ quotes the prophecy and states that it refers to himself. 3rd Nephi 20:[23] Behold, I am he of whom Moses spake, saying: A prophet shall the Lord your God raise up unto you of your brethren, like unto me; him shall ye hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. And it shall come to pass that every soul who will not hear that prophet shall be cut off from among the people.

Now, there we have it from "the horse's mouth" as we Americans say. Christ the King of Kings and Lord of Lords is the prophet whom we must "hear in all things whatsoever he shall say unto you. And it shall come to pass that every soul who will not hear that prophet shall be cut off from among the people."

Enlightening Enlightenment -Day 4: 3rd Nephi 12 to 17 pages 430-440

2005-09-13T07:43:00.000-07:00

In the first half of today's reading Christ is teaching the Nephites "all that he taught" in his ministry among the Jews.

First he teaches Faith, Repentance and Baptism and the gift of the Holy Ghost.
The Beatitudes follow with a list of promised blessings for the faithful.
Then he admonishes us to be the "salt of the earth" and not loose our savor.
He admonishes us to be a "light on a hill" to show our neighbors the light of the gospel and a candle on a candlestick to our families in our homes.
He then lists the cardinal sins: murder, anger, slander, contention, lust and adultery and not only forbids their act, as was the Law of Moses, but even forbids us to even consider these acts.
Avoid false oath taking, and seeking revenge.
Turn the other cheek and go the extra mile.
Love our neighbor and even pray for our enemies
Be perfect, as He and the Father are perfect.
Do our charity, prayers and fasts in secret.
Pray to the Father in simple straightforward language.
Seek not the treasures of the earth.
Serve God not Satan
Trust in the Lord to provide.
Seek first the kingdom of God.
Judge not with unrighteous judgments.
Protect holy things from mockery.
Seek knowledge and blessings from God.
Beware of false prophets; judge them by their fruits.
Base our lives on the foundation of Christ and His Gospel.

Reading the words of Christ makes me feel like a child: happy, at peace, loved. I can feel the love come through his words. If it feels soooooooooo good, then why am I such a Wicked Sloth-Monkey that I don't read the scriptures everyday?????? (A wicked sloth-monkey is family slang for someone who is quick to make mischief, but slow to do good.)

These verses really touched my heart. 3rd Nephi 12: [13] Verily, verily, I say unto you, I give unto you to be the salt of the earth; but if the salt shall lose its savor wherewith shall the earth be salted? The salt shall be thenceforth good for nothing, but to be cast out and to be trodden under foot of men.

[14] Verily, verily, I say unto you, I give unto you to be the light of this people. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hid.

[15] Behold, do men light a candle and put it under a bushel? Nay, but on a candlestick, and it giveth light to all that are in the house;

[16] Therefore let your light so shine before this people, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father who is in heaven.

I have received a commission to be a light unto my family. It's not an easy job. Twenty-nine years ago, I thought I would have my Muslim husband converted within 6 months. He was (and still is) a good and righteous man: a man of God, a wonderful and loving husband and father… but he has ignored my "light".

Now I have four wonderful and righteous, godly children (yes, I know the youngest one is being a prodigal son nowadays, but deep inside him I know is a wonderful, righteous and godly person because that's what I trained him to be.) It takes a lot of faith for me to keep the hope alive that someday (in the next world, if not this one) they will feel the Spirit touch their hearts, their eyes will open for the first time and they will see that I hold a gift of light for them.

It's hard to keep burning a light that no one can see, but me. And yet, if I let that light go out…. I will be in darkness also.

LHS, came home last night and I was working at the computer. I forgot to ask him for a "return home hug".

"Hey!" he chided me, "You forgot to ask for a hug." I jumped up and went towards him.

This 6 foot 2 inch 20 year old then ran away stiff-legged in a toddler like "run" "I'm running away from the crazy woman who wants to hug me." He laughed. For a brief second I remembered him as my curly haired mischievous 2 year old: always laughing; always making others laugh.

I laughed, gave chase, and we embraced. We are beginning to genuinely enjoy each other's company again.

He actually enrolled in college and started classes yesterday!!! That's quite a miracle when you stay up all night and sleep all day since the college doesn't offer bedside admissions or have 24-hour office timings.

I'm finding myself less resentful of having to clean up after his messes. Before I started this program of daily reading, I was carrying the load alone. Now I have a daily dose of the Spirit and my burdened has been lightened and my heart is strengthened. I had started to feel like I had a live-in enemy. Now I have hope that I will have a loving son again.

3rd Nephi 12: [43] And behold it is written also, that thou shalt love thy neighbor and hate thine enemy;

[44] But I say unto you, love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them who despitefully use you and persecute you;

That is very hard to do when the "enemy who despitefully uses you" is member of your family. For me, it is impossible, but with hope and help from the Holy Spirit, it seems easier. I've seen this happen so many times in my life before. When I am out of touch with the Spirit I get overburdened, stressed out and discouraged. When I seek the Lord through consistent study and prayer, I feel my burdens lighten. The situations don't change, but my ability to handle them does. I'm feeling this help, this enlightment of my soul and easing of my burdens already.

Day 3: The Frosting on the Cake

2005-09-12T02:44:00.000-07:00

I just finished reading my 10 pages for the day, from pg 420, 3 Nephi 7 to page 430, finishing 3 Nephi 11.

My reading in the past three days has covered 33 years of Nephite time. I've read how the people cycle from wickedness so extreme that they had planned to kill all Christians if the signs of Christ's birth don't appear to a majority of them believing the signs and repenting; then on from creeping wickedness to widespread wickedness so that the Gadianton robbers are about to wipe them out. Then the people begin to rally behind their righteous leaders who brilliantly turn the tables on the robbers, putting them on the defensive when they go into hiding with all their goods. With no wild game, no people to plunder and the Nephites conducting "gorilla warfare" on them, the robbers are wiped out in a few years. The people return to their lands and peace for a couple of years till the Kingmen resurrect the covenants of murder and conspiracy to overthrow the government, tear apart the society and murder the prophets and saints.

Then there are the signs of the Savior's crucifixion and resurrection with major earthquakes, fires, and massive loss of life. Christ speaks to the devastated survivors saying: "[2] Wo, wo, wo unto this people; wo unto the inhabitants of the whole earth except they shall repent; for the devil laugheth, and his angels rejoice, because of the slain of the fair sons and daughters of my people; and it is because of their iniquity and abominations that they are fallen! " 3 Nephi 9:2 He then names an extensive list of destroyed cities and tells the people that this happened to to those who killed the prophets and the saints. (verse 8) "…that the blood of the prophets and the saints should not come up any more unto me against them."
He then again mourns and laments ( 3 Nephi 10: 4-6)

"4] O ye people of these great cities which have fallen, who are descendants of Jacob, yea, who are of the house of Israel, how oft have I gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, and have nourished you.

[5] And again, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, who have fallen; yea, O ye people of the house of Israel, ye that dwell at Jerusalem, as ye that have fallen; yea, how oft would I have gathered you as a hen gathereth her chickens, and ye would not.

[6] O ye house of Israel whom I have spared, how oft will I gather you as a hen gathereth her chickens under her wings, if ye will repent and return unto me with full purpose of heart." We feel his pain as we read these words of remorse.

They are then left to mourn, rant, and repent in total darkness for 3 days. Christ has spoken as the God of Justice. He has again followed His Father's will and "drunk the bitter cup.'' He has done the necessary deed, even though it has caused him sorrow and pain.

Then a new day dawns and a brighter day begins. A voice from heaven interrupts the survivors who are now humble, repentant and rejoicing to be alive. A still small voice comes. First they are confused as to the source and message. The voice comes again, and again till on the third time, all can understand it, and they turn their eyes heavenward as they locate its source. It is the voice of God, the Eternal Father doing the most important task he does, witnessing of His Son and inviting his children to "hear ye him." 3 Nephi 11:7

Now we have reached the pinnacle of the Book of Mormon: the cause for its existence, the frosting on the cake. Christ appears in the flesh. Now he comes as the God of Love, the Redeemer, and the Savior of those who have not rejected him.

[8] And it came to pass, as they understood they cast their eyes up again towards heaven; and behold, they saw a Man descending out of heaven; and he was clothed in a white robe; and he came down and stood in the midst of them; and the eyes of the whole multitude were turned upon him, and they durst not open their mouths, even one to another, and wist not what it meant, for they thought it was an angel that had appeared unto them.

[9] And it came to pass that he stretched forth his hand and spake unto the people, saying:

[10] Behold, I am Jesus Christ, whom the prophets testified shall come into the world.

[11] And behold, I am the light and the life of the world; and I have drunk out of that bitter cup which the Father hath given me, and have glorified the Father in taking upon me the sins of the world, in the which I have suffered the will of the Father in all things from the beginning.

[12] And it came to pass that when Jesus had spoken these words the whole multitude fell to the earth; for they remembered that it had been prophesied among them that Christ should show himself unto them after his ascension into heaven.
[13] And it came to pass that the Lord spake unto them saying:

[14] Arise and come forth unto me, that ye may thrust your hands into my side, and also that ye may feel the prints of the nails in my hands and in my feet, that ye may know that I am the God of Israel, and the God of the whole earth, and have been slain for the sins of the world.

[15] And it came to pass that the multitude went forth, and thrust their hands into his side, and did feel the prints of the nails in his hands and in his feet; and this they did do, going forth one by one until they had all gone forth, and did see with their eyes and did feel with their hands, and did know of a surety and did bear record, that it was he, of whom it was written by the prophets, that should come.

[16] And when they had all gone forth and had witnessed for themselves, they did cry out with one accord, saying:

[17] Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God! And they did fall down at the feet of Jesus, and did worship him.

Someday, I will meet my Savior. Will I meet the God of Justice who will sadly remind me of all my unrepented sins and turn me away from his sight? Will I suffer as he suffered?

Or will I meet the God of Love, my Savior who will embrace me and invite me to feel the prints of the nails in his hands and feet. "Carol, feel how I suffered because I love you." He will say. "And because you repented of your sins and endeavored to follow my example, you need not suffer as I have suffered. Return with me to the presence of our Father and know eternal bliss and perfect love."

What a sweet sensation of love I feel in my heart as I read these words. Now you know why I read 3rd Nephi twice each time I read the Book of Mormon. I've always been fond of sweets and this is a double dose of frosting for me.

Hosanna! Blessed be the name of the Most High God!

Day Two and the Blessings Begin

2005-09-11T04:29:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, to start out my reading of the Book of Mormon, I started with all the pages of introduction and then skipped to the beginning of 3rd Nephi. This is how I like to read the B of M. I start at 3rd Nephi, read to the end, then return to the beginning and end at 3rd Nephi. I do this for two reasons, to avoid 1st Nephi chapter 1 burn out. I can't count the times I've started to read the B of M and have never gotten past the first chapter; and to avoid the big depressing ending. I begin my reading near the highlight of Christ's visit to the Nephites and end there as well. It's a win-win situation.

Last night I considered the goals I would like to achieve through this reading. President Hinckley has promised us "an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God."

Elder Russell Nelson promises us, "Do you want to improve relationships in your family? Do you want to get rid a bad habit? Do you want to increase your spiritual capacity? Read the Book of Mormon!" ("A Testimony of the Book of Mormon", Liahona, Jan 200: Ensign, Nov. 1999, 71)

I decided my goals would be:

1 Relief from Guilt. Aside from studying for weekly church assignments, it's been a long time since I had the habit of regular scripture study. I admit, that when I do it, I am greatly blessed, but I also admit I am what we call in our family; a Wicked Sloth-Monkey… that is someone who is quick to make mischief, but slow to do good. Now if I functioned on a higher spiritual level I would have listed "Reap the spiritual benefits of regular scripture study" as my goal, but at least I'm an honest Sloth-monkey. I'm tired of living with the guilt.
2 Peace through Trials: My family is undergoing a very stressful situation nowadays( In addition and unrelated to goal #3) and I NEED A BIG PIECE OF PEACE! I've prayed and fasted about the situation, and my stress levels have reduced dramatically, but other times I let my imagination run wild and dwell on worst-case scenarios. I’m having a hard time practicing my personal mantra "Worry is an insult to God". So Lord, if you're serving up Faith, Trust, Hope and Peace, I'll take a double portion of Peace, thank you."
3 Better Relationship with my Youngest Son aka LHS (Large Hulking Son): LHS is 20 years old; a drug addict, rude, selfish, ungrateful, and many other negative adjectives I could throw in there, but I think you get the message. I'm dealing with an angry addict without my husband's help since he is still in Pakistan till we sell the family business and he can join me here in the UAE. My husband is Pakistani and we have lived there for the past 5 years. We have been struggling with his addiction for 4 years now. We couldn't find any NA or AA programs in Islamabad so we sent him back to America to live with his older brother. He was supposed go to NA, and college. He didn't go to NA. He did a year of college (high all the time) and got kicked out of his brother's house very quickly for not staying sober. I went to the States too in an effort to help, but there isn't much you can do for someone whose personal goals are to try every kind of drug he can find. Since returning to Pakistan 2 years ago he has been in "rehab"(locked up in 3rd world insane asylums with no rehabilitation counseling) in Pakistan 3 times. Hashish is his drug of choice, and we disapprove of his use of it, but we know it is his abuse of powerful prescription drugs easily available in Pakistan that will quickly kill him. LHS's abuse of prescription medicines is the reason we moved to the UAE 4 months ago. We are hoping the "geographic cure" and the tough anti drugs laws of the UAE will be enough to keep him sober.

So, now you know what you hope to accomplish through this challenge. This morning, as I was driving back from dropping my daughter at work, I was thinking about how strained my nerves are and how LHS has been getting the best of me lately. I'm ashamed of the yelling and cursing (Mine: yes, push me to the brink and I can curse enough to make a Marine blush.[shakes head sadly]). I've been considering a ToughLove stance (yep, read the book). I want to stop giving him cooked food and clean laundry. I've even considered giving him his college money and telling him to go back to America and fall face first into his old habits again.

It's like having a large untrained dog in the house. He eats ¾ of the family food budget, makes ¾ of the dirty laundry and household messes, but he does almost nothing we ask in the way of family service and is emotionally abusive. My daughter says he must have some great form of social retardation. Since he was on drugs for so many of his formative years he's never learned how to deal with people or his problems without drugs.

I remembered how I once trained our dog, Wafadar, the only dog we've ever owned as a family. She was shy and afraid of humans since she had been abandoned and abused on the streets. I made myself the source of all her food. I sat and talked to her while she ate. I trained her to sit,fetch and come by patiently rewarding her tiniest achievements. If love could train an abused and socially retarded dog, couldn't I use the same techniques for LHS?

When I arrived home at 11am he was just waking up. (Surprisingly early for someone who stays up ALL night.) He asked me to bring him a diet Pepsi and two cigarettes from the store downstairs. I could feel my anger rise and I began to rant, "Why don't you just take a stake and pound it through my heart?"etc, etc. Then I began to calm down said, "LHS, you and I are eternally and irreversibly linked through the most sacred link possible. You can't hurt yourself without hurting me. Don't ask me to buy you cigarettes because I'll never do that."

"What proof do you have?" (of the link) He asked.

"That's a truth that both my religion and yours believe and that's enough proof for me," I replied. Islam believes that "Heaven is under the feet of your mother." He knows that and he believes that. If he would just live like a practicing Muslim, my problems would be ½ over.

A few minutes later, he asked me to press his shirt as he was getting ready to go to college. I started to refuse and remind him how often he refuses to do anything I ask of him, but instead, I said I would if he would give me a hug and tell me thank you when I was finished. He did so. I then told him, "I want a hug and thank you whenever I give you any service so you will remember that you are part of a loving family. I want a hug before you leave the home and a hug when you return." He didn't laugh or insult me. He looked touched. He sought me out a few minutes later to hug me before he left. We were both misty eyed as we hugged for the first time in a long time.

If you've ever had to deal with an angry addict, you know what a miracle that moment was. I can only credit this sweet moment to inspiration of the Holy Spirit. Day two of the challenge and the blessings begin.

Book of Mormon Blog: Day 1

2005-09-10T13:09:00.000-07:00

It's Saturday, September 10, 2005 6:45pm. The sun is setting in Sharjah, UAE and the Muslim call to prayer is gently drifting over the town and into my 7th floor apartment. The call has a mystical effect as mosque after mosque joins in, creating a ghostly echoic call and response. As it calls the Muslim faithful to evening prayer I sit on my sofa, with my Book of Mormon in my hand. I've been all day convincing myself that today was the day I would heed President Hinckley's challenge for all members to read the Book of Mormon before the end of the year.

This Friday at Sacrament Meeting, I gave a ten-minute talk about how we can use the Book of Mormon and Moroni's challenge to gain testimony of the Gospel, and of Joseph Smith's prophethood. Before I opened the Book of Mormon I pulled out my Relief Society Visiting Teaching Message and read President Hinckley's challenge. "If each of you will observe this simple program of reading the Book of Mormon by the end of the year, regardless of how many times you previously may have read the Book of Mormon, there will come into your lives and into your homes an added measure of the Spirit of the Lord, a strengthened resolution to walk in obedience to His commandments, and a stronger testimony of the living reality of the Son of God." (Liahona and Ensign, Aug. 2005)

Further down in the message is a quote from Ezra Taft Benson I wish I had included in my talk. He says, "We, the members of the Church, and particularly the missionaries, have to be the…tellers and testifiers of the Book of Mormon unto the ends of the earth. The Book of Mormon is the great standard we are to use. It shows that Joseph Smith was a prophet. It contains the words of Christ, and its great mission is to bring men to Christ and all other things are secondary. The golden question of the Book of Mormon is 'Do you want to learn more of Christ?'" (The Book of Mormon is the Word of God," Ensign, May 1975, 65) Italics added

And so with the sounds of the evening azan softly calling the Muslim faithful to come unto Allah, I open the Book of Mormon, Another Testament of Christ and invite myself and all who read this blog to come unto Christ.

Local law prohibiting the preaching of Christian doctrine to Muslims may silence my voice, but on the Internet, my mind and voice are free.